“Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.” ~ Robert Browning (1812-1889)

My dear husband came up with an activity, for lack of a better word, for every Friday at breakfast.  He said both of us must tell each other something that the other did not know.  This is probably the 4th week now.  It was such a great idea until I had to really think of something.  Afterall we have been married for more than a decade.  What else do we not know about each other?  Funny enough, when the both of us try really hard, we actually could think of things we did not know about each other.  Every Friday breakfast, we have 2 new topics to talk about.  Sometimes, we don’t even have enough time to finish our conversation as we needed to get to work!

Imagine, having not enough time to talk about each other!  Not about our stressful jobs, our 4 lovely kids, our wonderful family but about ourselves.  For that half hour every week, I learn more about my husband and he about me.  We reconnect, despite our very busy lives.  For that very short period, the world around us melts into the background and it is just us.

I read this post recently on Simple Marriage,  ”Am I too busy for marriage?“.  That question loomed large in my mind as I read it.  Am I too busy for marriage?  Do we remember who we are and who our spouse is?  It is so important to see the other person as the person we love and want to spend the rest of our lives with.  Not just the parent of my children, not just the other person with the paycheck, not someone we share our bed with.

My dear husband is also my best friend, confidate, lover, coach and the person whom I chose to journey with.  He may not be everything to me (there is also God, kids and the rest of the clan!), but he means a lot to me.  As he said to my son in the car, “Mummy is very important to me so I want to know everything about her!”.

Well, I want to know everything about him.  And yes, grow old with him…

What about you?  Have you found time in your busy schedules to reconnect with your spouse?

“How do you manage?”

I get asked that question a lot.  My cheeky answer is always,”I don’t.  I struggle.”  While that gets lots of laughs and knowing grins, working mothers do REALLY want to know how to manage better. 

After much trial and error, I finally have a method to all the madness, juggling a full time job with a large growing family, that works for me.  Hopefully these practical tips and tricks would also help you in keeping insanity at bay.

1. Draw the line between work and home
   I have outlined how to do that in my previous post – How to draw the line between work and home.
2. Have strict time routine
   This is a a strictly enforced rule in my household.  For instance, bedtime for the kids is at 9pm.  No bargaining, no negotiation, no exceptions.  Even on weekends and schoool holidays (okay, perhaps we bend it sometimes).  This ensures that I have a few hours of time spent either with my dear husband or just some alone time.  The other time routines are waking times, mealtimes, time to move out in the mornings – by keeping to these times strictly, the family knows what to expect and can manage themselves accordingly.
3. Unclutter your life routine
   For instance, I do not cook a separate meal for the younger kids when they turn 2 years old.  This will take 1 thing off my very long list of things to do.  Another thing I do is not to visit the supermarket daily.  I have a running shopping list and try my utmost best to visit only once a week.  This saves time and money.
4. Reduce your committments
   Having another new fanangle enrichment class for your kids, or saying yes to serving in another committee is not going to help you in your quest for balance.  Give time to the only ones that really matter to you and your family.  Remember that most times, when you say yes to such committments, you are in effect saying no to spending time with your family or no to having time to yourself.
5. Delegate
   Not just to husbands or helpers, but to your kids.  My older kids are 10 and 8 years old.  They can make simple breakfasts and snacks for themselves and others, help the younger kids with dressing up and going to the toilet, help to watch their siblings when we are busy with other tasks and also clear and wash their own used cups and dishes.  Before we leave the house, one would open the door and the other would close all the windows in the house.  This not only relieves me from the nitty gritty tasks, it also trains the kids to be more independent.
6. Relax!
   Nevermind if the beds are not made on some days or the children eats junk on others.  By not wanting to always be perfect, I am a more relaxed mother and can focus on things that really matter like understanding and talking to my kids.  Surprise surprise – my dear husband in turn is also more relaxed and therefore, more loving to me.
7. Carve out time for your marriage and yourself
   The “after 9pm” time slot is fiercely guarded, as illustrated in my previous post – No.  The time with my dear husband is important in keeping our love and passion alive.  I also have alone times that I spent sleeping, playing games or writing.  This makes sure that I have time to be me and not just mum or wife.  Guess what that does to my soul?
8. Work with your husband
   While it is nice to have a husband who could read your mind and do the things you want him to do (let’s not get ahead of ourselves), most times, it is actually more efficient and effective to tell him (gasp!).  My dear husband tells me it is a relief to know what I want and need exactly as he can then proceed to meet those needs.  Hmm, looks like another post to help our dear husbands!  Stay tuned, gentlemen!

What do you do that works for you in mastering the delicate task of balancing your life?

“There is never enough time to do everything, but there is always enough time to do the most important thing.” – Brian Tracy

Time.  Something I don’t have enough.  Too many things to do and too little time.

Or, that is the excuse I give myself.

Recently, I saw a video that showed a Japanese man, got up, prepared breakfast, got dressed and ate breakfast and out of the door for work, in 4 minutes and 52 seconds.  In the video, he invented a lot of shortcuts to get things done e.g. how to brush teeth and wear your pants at the same time (I have pigued your interest there ).  It was pretty funny when I saw it.

Really, there is enough time but I just need to PRIORITISE.  Big word, but what does it mean?  It means I have to be time-disciplined (not sure if this is an official term, but if not, you heard it here first!).  I have to pull myself away from the facebook games that I am currently addicted to and write this post.  I have to hang out the laundry first so while the clothes are drying, I can sweep the floor.  It means I have to stop doing laundry or sweeping the floor and answer the question that my 4 year old is asking.

Time-discipline means that I have to do the most important thing first and go down the list.  Whenever a more important thing arises, I do that thing first.  That’s easy, but why do I have so much trouble?

There are 2 main reasons:

1. Distractions
   The Internet, a TV program, a messy house – these things distract me from finishing the most important things.
2. Avoidance
   The most important things normally take patience and time and sometimes, tedious.  So I avoid doing them.  I tend to do the easy-to-complete (read: unimportant) things first, leaving precious little time to do the really important things.

Not hard really.  Just a very conscious effort to do the most important things first.

I attend Mass every Wednesday at lunchtime.  It is about 10 mins walk from where I work.  Since it is a dance studio that is converted for conducting Mass, every effort is made to to make the environment as peaceful as possible. 

At the front right-hand corner of the studio, there is a banner.   This is what is embroidered on it.

“Come to me all you who labour and are overburdened and I will give you rest.” – Matthew 11:28

Whenever I see this verse, I think of God’s arms outstretched towards me and I can finally throw all my cares away and be safely embraced.  Being a working mother, time is a scarce commodity.  To be able to spend half an hour during the work week allows me a small space in my life for some peace.  It allows me to quiet my soul and reconnect with God.  I often return to the office with a packed lunch and a still heart.

It is not easy to make this effort.  Meetings and datelines overwhelm me all the time.  If I do not schedule and protect this time on my calendar, I will not get the temporary reprieve from my worldly responsibilities.  It is also tempting to not make the effort as it may seem like one more thing to do.  The irony is that if I take the time to do this one thing every week, then every week seems to run better and I can run better.

Do you have time for God and for some peace in your calendar?