http://www.mummysg.com/forums/f97/being-special-parenting-child-medical-conditions-15948/

I stumbled upon this forum when I was surfing.  As I read the many posts, tears ran down my face.  It did not help matters when I found out this morning that a girl friend lost her baby at 4.5 months.

How I have taken my kids for granted!  How I have squandered the gifts that my God has so gracefully showered upon me!  How I have been so self-centred, selfish and unloving!

It reminds me of the story that was circulated in the internet some years back. 

It was about this mother, in queue for coffee and complaining about her kids to her friend, saying how messy they were and how frustrated she was cleaning the house.  The woman behind her tap her on her shoulder and told her that her house is clean, there are no footprints, things are never messy.  The reason was because some years back, she lost all her kids in a car accident.  Now she wishes that her house is messy, footprints everywhere and that there are dirty clothes on the floor.

How easy it is to get lost in the daily grind and forget about the important things in life!  I am going back home tonight to hug my kids a second time, kiss them hard and tell them that I love them, no matter what.  I may still nag about the messy house but I will not quite mean it.  I pledge to remember that I must give thanks every single day for my 4 gifts and not only think about myself.

Have you hug your kids today?

I feel invincible today.  Why? Because I did not let anything faze me.

It feels great to be in charge of my life, my emotions, my reactions, and in general all the other stuff in my life.  That is not to say that everything is perfect now.  I still have unpaid bills, unplanned meals, undone laundry and a messy handbag.  But I can find what I need and I know I can put a plan together to do the undone tasks.

Keeping that chin up ALL of the time is a huge effort in itself.  But it is possible, I have seen it in some of my friends.  Nothing seem to push them down for too long and they ALWAYS pick themselves up and move on.  I am working on it.  I know I can do it.  Especially today.

I pledge to deal with bad emotions and vibes positively.
I pledge to be calm and collected in the face of emergencies of any kind.
I pledge to define myself with God and the people who geniuely love me for who I am.
I pledge to keep positive people around me.
I pledge to be a good Christian, wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, colleague, coach – roughly in that order.

I am letting this invincible feelings wash over the whole of me.  I know I won’t be able to hold on to it forever – afterall, life goes up and down.  But for now, I am enjoying it.

I attend Mass every Wednesday at lunchtime.  It is about 10 mins walk from where I work.  Since it is a dance studio that is converted for conducting Mass, every effort is made to to make the environment as peaceful as possible. 

At the front right-hand corner of the studio, there is a banner.   This is what is embroidered on it.

“Come to me all you who labour and are overburdened and I will give you rest.” – Matthew 11:28

Whenever I see this verse, I think of God’s arms outstretched towards me and I can finally throw all my cares away and be safely embraced.  Being a working mother, time is a scarce commodity.  To be able to spend half an hour during the work week allows me a small space in my life for some peace.  It allows me to quiet my soul and reconnect with God.  I often return to the office with a packed lunch and a still heart.

It is not easy to make this effort.  Meetings and datelines overwhelm me all the time.  If I do not schedule and protect this time on my calendar, I will not get the temporary reprieve from my worldly responsibilities.  It is also tempting to not make the effort as it may seem like one more thing to do.  The irony is that if I take the time to do this one thing every week, then every week seems to run better and I can run better.

Do you have time for God and for some peace in your calendar?

I am grateful for having this gift bestowed upon me 4 times. 4 lovely babies, 4 times the joy.

I sometimes forget how blessed I am and how great God is. When I am dragged down by life or by work, I forget that I have 4 concrete proof that really, nothing else is important. When I turn inward with selfishness, with self-pity, I could not see the loving eyes, the hugs and kisses, the simple need to be around their mother. I lock them out.

I squander this gift when I do that. I disconnect from my children. The inability to respond sometimes have me guilt ridden for days on end. My children never give up. They keep trying to connect, sometimes turned away by me, but they always come back.

If I am not careful, one day, they will get tired and they will turn away from me, from God.

I admire my DH. He turns off the stresses and pain of daily life off as soon as he enters our home. He plays with the children despite having the worst work day of the week, despite knowing that he probably have to work late into the night, and despite his physical tiredness. He is my role model and I try to emulate him. I succeed sometimes and I fall others.

Please God, help me to see beyond myself, my ego, to receive the love and blessings You so generously shower upon me. Let me never give up and let my children never turn away from me and from You.

Amen.

Note: This post was originally posted on my personal blog on 12 June, 2009.