When I first started work, I only had a pager.  For those of you who remember, these are small gadgets that one could call with the phone number that you want the owner to call back on.  Often, my dear husband (at that time my dear boyfriend) and I would send each other codes like 9-12-21 to say “I love you”.  Basic but it worked.   Other than pre-arranged codes, there was no other way of contacting each other on the road and we all lived that way.

So in came the mobile phones.  My dear husband skipped lunches to save for a mobile phone for me.  It was an Ericsson (Sony has not bought Ericsson yet) and probably twice the size of any average phone now.  All it could do was call out, receive calls – there was no option to do texting or play games, much less surf the web or take pictures.

I cherished that phone.  It was a sign of my dear husband’s devotion to my well being.  It lasted for years and was really reliable.  It meant that there were less missed connections and we were able to get each other easily.

Then there was the laptop.  The first laptop I got was a company issued machine that was used by my predecessor.  It was a chunky Toshiba and would hang several times a day, despite my best efforts to keep it in good health.  I assured you that it was sweared at quite a few times a day.  It was really heavy and I would get a sore shoulder carrying it around to my client sites for meetings. 

Every few years, I would get my laptop upgraded (company policy to keep up to date technologically).  I cannot remember all the in-betweens but my latest is a Fujitsu Lifebook, T series – a slick tablet, barely 1.3 kg in weight – not topline but compared to my chunky Toshiba, this is a godsend.

Between my mobile phone and my laptop, and all the fantastic technological advancements, I was able to answer emails, prepare a client presentation, do a conference call with my workmates, update my status on Facebook, chat with my friend via Instant Messaging whom I have not seen in a while online, put in an online order for my son’s birthday cake, play some games for relaxation, research on the recipes for Sunday lunch, see if my ebay item has been bought, take pictures of my kids and uploading it on Flickr, text a happy birthday wish to my sister, sync up my Outlook calendar on my mobile phone so that I would not miss my appointments and more.

I could live my whole life like this.  In reality, I could stay at home the whole day and yet still able to do what I did 10 years ago at probably half the time.

How has it changed my life?  Let’s talk about the good things first.  I am more productive and efficient.  This gives me the sense of achievement that would be few and far between in the past.  I am able to juggle better as a working mother, knowing that I could pay a bill online rather than having to queue up at the bank.  Information is just a click away so I am better informed and able to make better decisions.  I am better connected to my friends and their lives.  Things move faster with the phone and Instant messaging, thus issues get resolved faster as well.  As my kids belong to the generation of instant gratifications, by being up to date, I am staying relevant as a parent and also able to communicate with them in terms they understand.  I am writing this post, sitting at the bar counter in my kitchen – thanks to wireless technology – and having a cup of coffee at the same time.

There is always 2 sides to a coin.  Being more productive and efficient means that I am expected to do more as a professional.  This means that I am always on and stress levels go up.  Text messages from workmates and clients come around the clock; once they see you online on instant messaging, before you know it, it is 1 am in the morning.  Distraction by technology is also an issue in my life.  I often catch myself or dear husband pouring over Facebook updates and games on a weekend when we really should be spending time with family.  Every text message has to be answered and every email has to be responded to.  My kids are also addicted to surfing the web or watching videos or playing online games.  If they were not allowed to use the computer, the complain I get would be, “But I am bored!  What should I do?”.  When did kids start not know what to do with free time?

For the last few weeks, I have been shutting down my laptop and leaving it off for the entire weekend.  It is liberating and on every Monday, there is never anything that is even close to the sky falling down!  I am working on ways to changing my habit to deal with the downside of technology. 

What have you been doing to get back the part of your life that technology has taken away?

PS : I later found in my inbox an article from Simple Marriage on a similar topic, title “Leave Your Work (Mostly) At Work“!  Enjoy!

It is all about choices, isn’t it?  Life is made up of choices that we all have to make.  To marry or not, to marry this person or that, to have kids or not, to have 2 kids or 4, to work or stay home, to trust or not, to love or not – these are all choices.

Right or wrong, good or bad – we also have to live with the consequences of our choices.

Ever since I became a mother 10 years ago, I have been struggling with this one choice that I made.  Although you can say I don’t have much of a choice since we were just starting off our lives and money was important to our survival.  I chose to continue working instead of staying at home with my son. 

Subsequently, every year, I had the opportunity to revisit this choice but I never really did.  At that time, I work from home.  So even though I was working in my bedroom, I could occasionally take breaks and play with my son.

I had 8 years of bliss.  I held a great job that allowed me to hone my skills professionally and yet allowed me more connection and time with my family.  These 8 years saw me raise 3 kids.  Funny enough, during these 8 years, I often lamented about how nice to be able to work in an actual office with actual colleagues.  After 8 years, the company I was working for decided that they would have an actual physical office instead of virtual ones. 

I never knew what hit me.  It might not have been apparent to my colleagues, but my family felt the change.  In a big way.  I struggled every single day trying to cope with the change.  I was like the duck, seemingly calm above the surface, gliding along, but underneath the surface, I was paddling like crazy.

I don’t think I ever recovered from it.  I am still paddling but not as crazy as before.  Why?  Because I made some choices to keep some things the way they were and to give up other things.

This choice that I made 10 years ago, I struggle with it every single day.  My babies are growing up and I am not there enough to see it.  I crave to have more time with them, to understand and discover them, to stand by them and comfort them.  I want to stay at home and watch them grow but more than ever, I need to have a constant stream of income. 

I see my friends all around me struggling with that as well.  You might say I should get comfort from that, but I don’t.  Everytime I see a Facebook update on how they are struggling with their own problems – trying help kids adjust to school life, friends fall ill because they have no help, not enough time to love their kids – I feel sad.  Like I say, we have to live with the consequences of the choices we make.  They may not be choices that we want to make but choices we have to make – either way, we have to live with the consequences.

I know this seems like a sad and depressing post.  It is meant to be.  However, by recognizing and admitting to the conflicts and dilemmas that I face on a daily basis, by identifying my challenges – I then see how I can overcome them, how I can then make other choices that can get me out of this conflict, this dilemma. 

I know I will, I just need to choose to make that choice.

Okay, last day of the year…last ditch effort to fulfill 2009 resolutions.  Time to also make the 2010 ones.

Two days ago, I initiated a family resolutions making session.  Everyone in the family who can understand the concept was asked to come up with activities that we can do as a family.   I tried this before last 3 months of 2009 and it worked really well.  An additional column was added to each activity to track the date that we achieved it.

This is our list.  We came up with 15 so that we would have 1 for every month and 3 extra.

1. Go to Wild Wild Wet. 
2. Play a family board game.
3. Go to the playground.
4. Go to Hollywood Dinos at Jurong Bird Park.
5. Read the book, “Raising Your Family EQ“.
6. Create a family blog.
7. Go overseas on a family trip.
8. Eat durians in an open air durian cafe.
9. Watch a movie together.
10. Have a barbeque.
11. Cook/Bake together.
12. Go to Sentosa for a short weekend trip.
13. Go to a new park.
14. Go for a family pinic.
15. Go fishing.

What does your family like to do together?  Make a list and at the end of the year, celebrate your family spirit!

This week is unusual for us.  Both dear husband and I are travelling on business, and will be in different countries;  him in Tokyo and I will be in Kuala Lumpur.  I cannot remember the last time this happened.  And of course, our lovely children will be in Singapore.

Funny how, I feel time deprived when I am in Singapore.  I yearned for more time in the day and time to do things that I would do for myself.  I would love a more leisurely morning or have a bit more sleep.  Perhaps finish up sorting out our family photos without being interrupted every 5 minutes.

Then I would travel for business and have all the time in the world (other than work, of course).  And I would miss the crazy life back in Singapore.  I miss dear husband and my kids.  I would return to the hotel room and have dinner alone, watch “Law and Order” until late and long to hold my kids and kiss them good night.

Last night, I had a business dinner and it ran late.  I could not call my kids as they were already asleep.  So as of now, I am suffering a bit from being not connected to them for about 24 hours now.  Luckily, I was able to exchange my day with dear husband via instant messaging.  That helped a bit.

So this morning I did a bit of research on the ways people keep connected with their family while travelling.  There were so many suggestions and here are some that I think were awesome.  Enjoy, I have!

http://www.vagabondish.com/communication-traveling-skype-cell-phones-calling-cards/

http://www.eurocheapo.com/blog/tips-for-staying-in-touch-while-traveling-abroad.html

http://matadorabroad.com/how-to-stay-in-touch-with-kids-while-traveling/

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/2144987/top_5_ways_to_stay_in_touch_with_friends.html?cat=16

http://www.havepack.com/keeping-in-touch-while-traveling/

Family outings.  I love them but I also dread them.  Honestly.

Every Sunday is family day for me.  Dear Husband and I will try our best to take the kids out either to an interesting place or do an interesting activity.  It is always a challenge in the logistics department as we have kids of varying ages.  With an age range of 2 to 10 years, I often have to make sure that I pack the necessary stuff for each kid – ranging from diapers and formula for the youngest, water and wet ones for all, and books for the older kids.  This will ensure that I have peace of mind that we have everything we need plus the kitchen sink, in event of any situation.  Suffice to say, this often causes a rise in my stress levels every time we go out as a family.  You would agree with dear husband that this defeats the purpose of a family outing since I will be too stressed up or worried to actually enjoy it.

So through trial and error and melt downs (from both the kids and me), here are some of the ways that have worked for us whenever we prepare to go for a family outing.

1. Plan Ahead
   Seems basic but this truly works.  If you know where you are going – indoor or outdoor -  you will be better prepared.  Do some research on where you are going (most places have a website now) and understand the facilities including breastfeeding rooms, play areas, locations of bathrooms and eateries.  Sometimes, I even buy tickets in advance.  I am also on various mailing lists e.g. museums, zoos, parks; thus getting the latest and greatest on what’s going on.
2. Wet Tissues
   This is a very important part of your arsenal since it can clean from baby’s bottoms to icky hands.  This will ensure that we are well protected from the usual dirt that comes with going outside and when the nearest bathroom is no where in sight.
3. Food!
   Yes, with an exclamation mark!  Kids are hungry ALL the time.  A stash of sandwiches, snacks and a good supply of drinks will keep them satisfied and less irritable.  If you are like me and have kids that go berserk without food, this is a must!  Some of the items I bring on a regular basis are sandwiches that don’t go soggy (good ones are like peanut butter or jam), fruits in a icy thermal bag, chicken drumlets, pasta and even chicken curry.  Water is a favourite over other drinks.  Bringing your own food will also mean that you save money from the ultra-expensive food outlets that are usual stops at popular locations.
4. Dress Appropriately
   T-shirts and shorts are good for beaches and an extra jacket would be useful for cinemas and air-conditioned locations.  I even bring extra sets of clothes, especially for the younger ones, in case of accidents.
5. Plastic Bags
   These have been invaluable for storing wet clothes or swim things to the dirty diaper that needs disposal.  My eldest is also very prone to car sickness during a long ride so other than not feeding him too much before, we also have a supply of these to double as sick bags (although you have to make sure that they don’t have holes…yep imagine the mess!).
6. Books and Toys
   Waiting in lines or having nothing to do is a bane to kids.  I bring a supply of books/toys/colouring materials and paper to keep my bunch happy.  On occasions that I remember or my dear husband allows me to bring them, they are the only reasons I could keep my sanity.
7. Insect Repllents and Sun Screens
   This only applies to outdoor places.  I often forget them and end up having to deal with irritable kids either during the outing for the former or the next day for the latter.
8. Back-Up Plan
   Always have a back-up plan!  The best laid plans of mice and men don’t always work out.  Have more than one thing on your list in case the location that you plan for is not available or you have more time than anticipated.
9. Camera
   A little piece of technology to keep the family memories alive!  And also to upload into facebook to share with friends and family.  There was more than once that I got ideas from others where to bring the family.  Remember to charge the battery to full the night before.  It is so annoying and disappointing to miss that precious moment!
10. Relaxed Attitude
    Most importantly, bring a relaxed attitude and enjoy the family outing!  Nevermind if the kids tore their clothes or rain comes unexpectedly or the tickets were sold out.  The most important thing is that your family gets to spend time together, well, as a family.  Being relaxed will allow making memories that will last a lifetime.

What do you do to make your family outings work?

Back to sick kids, I had one in the last few days.  He is recovering but it had upset our family’s routine.  This is the reason why this post is late.  For the first 2 nights that he was sick, he was not comfortable and was waking up every 15 mins.  Yes you heard me right.  Every 15 mins.  At the end of the 2 nights, my dear husband and I were running on fumes.

I guess the real question behind this post is then, ever had a sick kid and still have to turn up for a important client meeting in the late afternoon?  Well, I had to do it yesterday after the 2 sleepless nights.  I was amazed that I could still funtion and only needed a cup of coffee before the meeting to keep me awake.  Surprisingly the meeting went well.

By the time I got back home, my head felt light and I was crashing.  I went to bed at 8pm and was out like a light for the rest of the night.  My dear husband, I found out this morning, was trying to keep my sick kid from waking me up.  He also stayed up until 1am to fix up the computer for the kid’s homework and to write a letters to terminate some educational services that they do not need anymore.

All in all you can see all the challenges that working parents have to face whenever there is a sick kid at home.  I am just glad he is getting better so we can get back to our usual routine.  And then there is the lift incident this morning…which I am saving for the next post.

I have 4 kids and a full time job.  Every single day is a challenge, an adventure.  In this little island in the far East, our fast paced lives and the social norm of having a dual income family, has changed the dynamics of the traditional view of a family.  I grew up in a family of 3 kids, mom is a full time housewife until we were teenagers.  Even when she started working, she was there to ensure that we maintain the normality of a traditional family.

As I try to do that for my own kids, who by the way have ages ranging from 1.5 to 9.5 years old, I find it most frustrating.  Then I found out from my friends and colleagues, that they do have the same frustrating experience.  My husband is a pretty hands on father, and he too finds time lacking and quality not up to what he would like.

Over the 10 years that I have been a mother, I also had to deal with the full time job that I have – datelines, meetings, reports.  Every day is a constant tug of war, a delicate balance that I have to find. Somedays I do good, others not so, and there are some days that I hope I never have to experience ever again in my life.

Nevertheless, here are some things that I do to keep my sanity and my balance between work and family.

1 Keep work at work and home at home
It is so important to leave my work at the door and be really present for my family.  I am still struggling with this one as I try to keep the 2 parts of my life separate.  On days that I am able to, I feel great about myself that I am able to keep in control.  Draw the line and compartmentalise your work and your home.

2 Let go of the guilt
As I had the luxury of working from home a month after my first child was born until my third was a year old, it was very difficult for me when I had to go back to the office when my fourth was 4 months old.  I felt guilty about spending time away from all my children and having less time for them.  I realise that guilt is not helping me but dragging me down – I overcompensate or I have difficulty managing my emotions.  I now try to find ways to maintain a balance and also make sure that I have quality interactions with them.  Let go of the guilt – don’t waste your emotions.

3 Don’t forget your husband
My husband is my best friend and soulmate.  If I don’t pay attention to my relationship with him, I would have overlooked perhaps the most important part of my life, next to God.  I try to spend time with him having meals together, dates and doing our all time favourite activity – watching TV.  If you have to choose spending time with your husband or your children, choose your husband everytime.  A good marriage pave way for a good family.  Best gift for your kids.

4 Don’t forget yourself
How do I stretch that 24 hours to include myself?  I barely have enough for work, kids and husband.  One advice – just do it.  If I don’t then I would have shortchanged all my love ones and my career.  Only when I take care of myself can I produce good work and a well managed family life.  Even 1 hour a week works wonders for me.  Take the Nike advice and just do it.

5 Pray
Praying works for me and perhaps for you, it is meditation.  I guess my point is to have a place to park your worries and cares.  No, it does not mean that I will behave irresponsibly.  It is just a means of temporarily freeing your mind and refresh your soul.  This way, I get energise and refocused to continue the journey.

What do you do to keep that balance?