Dear husband and I visited a garden last weekend to shop for herbs that I use frequently in my cooking.  All the plants were clearly labeled with care instructions – frequency of watering, how much sun and most importantly, different types of fertilizers.  I commented that they must have tested each type of fertilizer to see with which one would the plant grow the best.  Perhaps grow bigger leaves or larger fruits.

We were talking over breakfast this morning, it was about one of our favorite  topic – our 4 beautiful kids.  They were all different – No.1 is a creative story writer, No.2 a fantastically accomplished dancer, No.3 is a visual artist and No.4 is the crazy musician!  As we joined the dots from the different types of plants to our 4 different kids, we realized that we need to use different “fertilizers” for our different kids.

Kids were gifted to us, created differently.  They have different talents, different interests and different needs.  If we encourage, stimulate and support in the ways that they need, they would flourish and grow to the fullest potential.  Conversely, if we remove the stimulations they need, they may be stunted and will not grow as well.

Port that idea to our modern day life.  No.3 watches a lot of television.  He even calls himself “The TV Man”.  I had worry about this and tried on many occasions to distract him with other activities.  Dear husband then made a good point this morning when he said that No. 3 is so visual that he probably needs the stimulation from the television programs.  The images are not merely images, they are tools to him.  Tools and skills that he is building up to be used.  Just on Sunday, our dear boy used 2 spades of different shapes, put them against his face and then proceeded to tell everyone he is a diver.  We were amazed as he would have to have the image in his head to make it up! Trust me, he really looked like a diver!  Obviously he has a very different and interesting visual perspective on things.

Okay lady, you are trying to justify letting your kid watch TV on your blog? Maybe but I think when it comes to my offspring, I will do whatever it takes to help them grow.  If it means going against the general societal norms, I am willing to take the risk.  I did not even talk about the growth in academic performance as I believe that if I “fertilize” my kids in the right way, success will come, with or without academic brilliance.

After all, I am taking a leaf from my daughter’s book.

I was told after 4 years of ballet lessons, that anatomically, she is not suitable to be a ballet dancer!  But this was followed by her teachers saying how she has methodically corrected and eradicated each and every one of her weaknesses.  All these time, I had no idea that she was struggling and working so hard to get to the standard that was expected of her.  However, I am happy to say that both dear husband and I were always supportive throughout, whether it was time, money, being there to attend all her performances and moral support before all the events.  Now, with 3 public performances, 2 examinations and 1 competition behind her, she is one of the best dancers in her class.

Perhaps I have a rock star on my hands if I give No.4 an electric guitar and the next Stephen King if I give my eldest professional writing classes?  The possibilities are endless, if we would just allow them to happen.

The slow cooker is one of the most used kitchen appliance in my home.  I loved the simplicity of use and also the resulting favour extraction from the slow low heat cooking.

This is one of the easiest recipe I have for the slow cooker that looks complicated to make but really it is a dump and leave recipe. 

I took this recipe off Real Simple so all credits to them.  Here for the original recipe.  I have done it first with way number 1, minus the chili powder, and got such rave reviews even from my kids, that I took it to the next level.  With the papadelle, you get a delicious hearty pasta dish that is great for large gathering since you can easily double the recipe.  You can also make more and reheat for lunch the next day with no loss in favour.  However, during the times I have made it, even the excess was lapped up!

Ingredients
2 cups store-bought salsa, plus more for serving
2 tablespoons chili powder (optional if you have kiddies) 
2 tablespoons dried oregano
2 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder
1 teaspoon salt
1 2 1/2-pound boneless pork butt or shoulder, trimmed of excess fat

Way Number 1 – With Tacos

Extra Ingredients
18 corn tortillas
1/2 cup fresh cilantro sprigs
3/4 cup sour cream
1 lime, cut into wedges  
salsa to serve

1. In a 4- to 6-quart slow cooker, combine the salsa, chili powder, oregano, cocoa, and 1 teaspoon salt. Add the pork and turn to coat.
2. Cook, covered, until the meat is tender and pulls apart easily, on high for 4 to 5 hours or on low for 7 to 8 hours.
3. Twenty minutes before serving, heat oven to 350° F/180° C.
4. Stack the tortillas, wrap them in foil, and bake until warm, about 15 minutes.
5. Meanwhile, using 2 forks, shred the pork and stir into the cooking liquid. Serve with the tortillas, cilantro, sour cream, lime, and extra salsa.

Way Number 2 – With Papadelle Pasta

Extra Ingredients
600g papadelle pasta
shaved parmesan cheese to serve

1. In a 4- to 6-quart slow cooker, combine the salsa, chili powder, oregano, cocoa, and 1 teaspoon salt. Add the pork and turn to coat.
2. Cook, covered, until the meat is tender and pulls apart easily, on high for 4 to 5 hours or on low for 7 to 8 hours.
3. Before serving, cook papadelle according to package instructions.
4. Meanwhile, using 2 forks, shred the pork and stir into the cooking liquid.
5. When the pasta is hot, mix in the luscious meat sauce and strewn all over with the parmesan.

Serves 6 greedy family members

http://www.mummysg.com/forums/f97/being-special-parenting-child-medical-conditions-15948/

I stumbled upon this forum when I was surfing.  As I read the many posts, tears ran down my face.  It did not help matters when I found out this morning that a girl friend lost her baby at 4.5 months.

How I have taken my kids for granted!  How I have squandered the gifts that my God has so gracefully showered upon me!  How I have been so self-centred, selfish and unloving!

It reminds me of the story that was circulated in the internet some years back. 

It was about this mother, in queue for coffee and complaining about her kids to her friend, saying how messy they were and how frustrated she was cleaning the house.  The woman behind her tap her on her shoulder and told her that her house is clean, there are no footprints, things are never messy.  The reason was because some years back, she lost all her kids in a car accident.  Now she wishes that her house is messy, footprints everywhere and that there are dirty clothes on the floor.

How easy it is to get lost in the daily grind and forget about the important things in life!  I am going back home tonight to hug my kids a second time, kiss them hard and tell them that I love them, no matter what.  I may still nag about the messy house but I will not quite mean it.  I pledge to remember that I must give thanks every single day for my 4 gifts and not only think about myself.

Have you hug your kids today?

 
I am starting a series of my favourite recipes, or recipes that have been given raving comments by family and friends.  Every Friday, you will be introduced to the diet of the Leong family.  Trust me, these will be recipes that are simple (alright occasionally I might do a finicky one) and quick to make.  Remember the 4 kids that I have? 

This first recipe is roti jala, paired with the family favourite of curry chicken.  You can use any curry of your choice.  It is not easy to find this dish in Singapore, although it is widely available in Malaysia.  Google “roti jala” and you will find pictures of the mould, videos of how it is made and even different versions of the recipe.  I found this 2 links very helpful and I took my recipe from Rasa Malaysia, with some of my own modifications.  Still turned out divine!  The videos and tips from The Mini Sam Tan Kitchen was great for those who need something more visual!

Rasa Malaysia – Roti Jala and Malaysian Curry Chicken Recipe
The Mini Sam Tan Kitchen - Roti Jala (Malaysian Lacy Coconut and Tumeric Crepes)

Ingredients:
1 3/4 cup all purpose flour
1 1/2 cup low fat milk
1/2 cup water
1 egg
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 tablespoon olive oil

1. Sieve the flour and set aside.
2. In a big bowl, mix all the ingredients well together (except the oil) and strain the batter.
3. Add in 1/2 tablespoon of oil and set aside.
4. Heat up a pan with medium heat and grease it with some oil.
5. Pour some batter into the mold and transfer the mold to the pan.
6. As the batter flows through the holes of the mold, make circular rounds around the pan to form the netty patterns.
7. After the top is set and done or when the bottom turns light brown, transfer the Roti Jala out and fold it into triangle shape.
8. Arrange a few Roti Jala on a serving plate and add some curry chicken on the side and serve immediately.

Some personal notes :

1. I skipped the coconut milk as I did not really like it when I used it the last time.  This recipe is healthy but the coconut one is more fragrant. 
2. I ran our of tumeric so I did not add it, but if you like, you can add 3/4 teaspoon of tumeric powder to the mix to get a nice yellow colour on your roti jala.
3. If you find the mixture too thick, you can dilute with more water.
4. I used olive oil since that was what I had in stock.

Like Nigella, I am a proponent of child labour in the kitchen so this is also a great opportunity for for a daughter and mother bonding session!

“Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.” ~ Robert Browning (1812-1889)

My dear husband came up with an activity, for lack of a better word, for every Friday at breakfast.  He said both of us must tell each other something that the other did not know.  This is probably the 4th week now.  It was such a great idea until I had to really think of something.  Afterall we have been married for more than a decade.  What else do we not know about each other?  Funny enough, when the both of us try really hard, we actually could think of things we did not know about each other.  Every Friday breakfast, we have 2 new topics to talk about.  Sometimes, we don’t even have enough time to finish our conversation as we needed to get to work!

Imagine, having not enough time to talk about each other!  Not about our stressful jobs, our 4 lovely kids, our wonderful family but about ourselves.  For that half hour every week, I learn more about my husband and he about me.  We reconnect, despite our very busy lives.  For that very short period, the world around us melts into the background and it is just us.

I read this post recently on Simple Marriage,  ”Am I too busy for marriage?“.  That question loomed large in my mind as I read it.  Am I too busy for marriage?  Do we remember who we are and who our spouse is?  It is so important to see the other person as the person we love and want to spend the rest of our lives with.  Not just the parent of my children, not just the other person with the paycheck, not someone we share our bed with.

My dear husband is also my best friend, confidate, lover, coach and the person whom I chose to journey with.  He may not be everything to me (there is also God, kids and the rest of the clan!), but he means a lot to me.  As he said to my son in the car, “Mummy is very important to me so I want to know everything about her!”.

Well, I want to know everything about him.  And yes, grow old with him…

What about you?  Have you found time in your busy schedules to reconnect with your spouse?

I have my gorgeous, lacy, blue hipster panty on today.  Okay before you report me to the authorities, let me explain myself.

Wearing that blue hipster makes me feel good about myself.  Makes me feel like a confident, cool and sexy woman; that I could do anything I want.  I know, sounds shallow and trivial right?  But look at the lingerie industry; millions of dollars change hands!  The Victoria Secrets of the world (by the way, my hipster is from VS) are the ones making big bucks (no returns policy!).

I am sure all of the working mothers out there agrees with me (whether secretly or not!) that there are certain pieces of lingerie that inspires us more than others!  I wish I have more of these nice lingerie but sensibility wins most of the time.

As a working mother, my family comes first.  I’d rather pay for a $300 art class for my child than a $300 teddy for myself; a month’s supply of food than the newest bra and panty set; pay for the electricity bill than the hipster panty in another colour!  You get the idea.  Most of my undergarments consist of sale items, out of fashion items, items that even grannies would be embarrass to own.  Not items that would help me with my mental image of myself.

The penny dropped for me in my bathroom today as I was putting my hipster on.

I don’t have to depend on a piece of undergarment to feel good about myself.  I can feel invincible anytime I want.  All I have to do is to look into my mental cupboard and take out the attitude that would help me feel like a confident, cool and sexy woman.  I can wear this attitude all of the time (no need for laundry) and feel good about myself all of the time!

Now to save up enough dough to buy some gorgeous, lacy new lingerie to match my new attitude!  Shopping anyone?

I feel invincible today.  Why? Because I did not let anything faze me.

It feels great to be in charge of my life, my emotions, my reactions, and in general all the other stuff in my life.  That is not to say that everything is perfect now.  I still have unpaid bills, unplanned meals, undone laundry and a messy handbag.  But I can find what I need and I know I can put a plan together to do the undone tasks.

Keeping that chin up ALL of the time is a huge effort in itself.  But it is possible, I have seen it in some of my friends.  Nothing seem to push them down for too long and they ALWAYS pick themselves up and move on.  I am working on it.  I know I can do it.  Especially today.

I pledge to deal with bad emotions and vibes positively.
I pledge to be calm and collected in the face of emergencies of any kind.
I pledge to define myself with God and the people who geniuely love me for who I am.
I pledge to keep positive people around me.
I pledge to be a good Christian, wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, colleague, coach – roughly in that order.

I am letting this invincible feelings wash over the whole of me.  I know I won’t be able to hold on to it forever – afterall, life goes up and down.  But for now, I am enjoying it.

Children are too dependent on their parents these days.  In Singapore, with both parents working, either the foreign helper or grandparents are the main caretakers.  Instead of holding the children responsible, these caretakers find it easier just to do everything themselves.  It takes too long and it is too tiring to nag at them when you have so many other things to do.

As such, the kids end up not having the necessary life skills to survive in the outside world.  My eldest came back from his Primary 5 Adventure camp with a story of a fellow school mate not knowing how to wash his own plate after meals.  The teachers had to teach him how to do it.  My son was shocked and expressed that he truly appreciated us making him learn how to clean up after meals.  If this boy does not even know how to wash his own plate, what other things does he not know how to do?

Our education system is only meant to make sure all the 3 R’s (wRiting, Reading, aRithmetic) are taught.  Often there is no time to delve into the area of life skills too deeply.  Sure, all our schools have activities that help in promoting independence, but it is not enough when these concepts are not reinforced at home.  The boy from the camp may have learnt how to wash his plate at the camp but he would slowly lose that skill if he does not need to do it at home.

Yes, eventually they will learn after many painful experiences and bad decisions.  But instead of pushing them out into the world after formal education with little or no life skills, why not teach them when they are young?  When the stakes are not as high?  When mistakes may be painful but not likely to have permanent damage?  When they are eager to learn?  All it really takes is to weave it into our daily lives.

Both my dear husband and I are working full time.  Like a lot of parents in Singapore, have very little time with them as it is.  However, on the weekends, my kids are expected to help around the house. 

The older kids (9 and 11) are asked to do the following tasks:

• clean up after meals
• fold their own clothes
• help the younger ones with brushing of teeth
• read to the younger ones
• pack their own rooms
• help strap the younger ones in the car if we go out
• help carry groceries from the car
• take out the trash

The younger ones (3 and 5) are asked to do the following tasks:

• pack up the toys after playing
• go to the bathroom and wash their hands without help
• pour their own drinks
• bring their plate and cutlery to the sinks after meals
• dress themselves after showers
• put on their own footwear

In our daily conversations with them, we also tell them (yes even the younger ones):

• how to say no to a pushy salesperson
• what to do during a fire
• how to pack a suitcase
• how to stop a bleeding finger
• educate them on stranger danger
• how to fry an egg
• how to keep safe on the internet
• about sex education
• how to manage finances

Some other things that I would love to teach them down the road are :

• how to read a map
• how to perform the Heimlich maneuver and CPR
• how to grocery shop wisely and look at prices carefully
• how to read a food label
• how to manage conflict more effectively
• how to read a bill
• how to manage stress by learning relaxation techniques
• how to sew a button

It is not enough to be paranoid and stop our kids from living their lives, controlling what they do or who they talk to.  They will grow up whether you like it or not.  Having these skills will help keep them street smart and safe from your worst nightmares.  One day, you will have to let go, and knowing they are well equipped, together with a good education, will help you sleep better at night.

What tools are you giving your kids to equip them for life?

Being a working mother that loves to cook, I relish weekends. It is a time where I could get some time to cook for my family.  I want to be able to leave a legacy of food; food that warms the heart and makes my family feel that they are home. I was lucky to have a stay-at-home mum.  I want my kids to have what I used to have eating at home with my family.

Thus, to prevent myself from falling into a cooking rut, I told myself, for every Sunday dinner that I cook, at least one dish must be new. No cheating, not changed or adjusted, something completely new that my family have never tried. It was not difficult with my library of cookbooks and my passion for cooking. The only criteria was that it should be easy and quick.

So last Sunday, I took a recipe from an old issue of Donna Hay and made Five-Spice Chicken in Rice Paper. I have included the original recipe and included my own adjustments for ingredients and amount. And Donna, it was delish!

Ingredients
3 teaspoons of salt
3 teaspoons of Chinese five-spice powder
4 chicken breast fillets, trimmed
16 small Asian rice paper rounds
2 green onions (scallions), sliced
peanut old for shallow frying

Dipping Sauce
 1/4 cup (2 fl oz) hoisin sauce
2 tablespoons lemon juice
1 tablespoon soy sauce

1. To make the dipping sauce, combine the hoisin sauce, lemon juice and soy sauce. Set aside.
2. Combine the salt and Chinese five-spice in a small bowl. Cut the chicken into 4 pieces each and sprinkle with the five-spice salt, coating all sides.
3. Place 1 rice paper round in a bowl of hot water and soak for 10 seconds or until soft.
4. Remove and place on a clean tea towel.
5. Place a piece of chicken one-third of the way from the base of the rice paper and top with some green onion.
6. Fold over the base and sides of the paper to enclose and roll up into a parcel, leaving the top edge unfolded.
7. Repeat with the remaining chicken, green onion and rice paper.
8. Heat the oil in a frying pan over medium heat.
9. Cook the parcels in batches for 2 minutes each side or until golden and cooked through.
10. Serve with the dipping sauce and the remaining five-spice salt. Serves 4.

Notes:

• I halved both the salt and five-spice powder as I was using half the amount of chicken.
• I bought the rice paper in a big pack of 22cm rounds, I found it too big, resulting in a thicker skin, thus making the rolls less crispy.
• We call ‘scallions’ spring onions locally, I could not find this in the NTUC I went to so I replaced it with seasoned seaweed, which was in my larder. I keep this as a staple in my larder as it is great on congee and cold cha soba.
• For the hoisin sauce, I found it hard to measure 1/4 cup so I used 4 tablespoons. I did not have lemons but did have a bunch of limes, so I replaced the lemon juice with lime juice.
• Step 2 – I did not bother with using a small bowl. I plonked all the cut chicken in a big mixing bowl and sprinkle in the salt and five-spice to mix.
• Step 4 – I tried to use kitchen paper – the rice paper would stick.  I switched back to the clean tea towel.
• Steps 3 – 6 – My daughter helped me (she is eight plus) and did all the wrapping. Great bonding time!
• Step 6 – It was too finicky trying to leave the top edge unfolded since my daughter was helping. I did it up like a spring roll instead.
• I make an extra dipping sauce with chili padi, lime juice and soy sauce. Delish!
• I garnished it with mint leaves from my own plants!

Okay admit it. If you are not going to, I am. I am a perfectionist. There I said it.

As a working mother, there simply was no room for anything else. No compromises. The sheets have to be creaseless; the management report free of spelling errors; meals must be nutritious; kids must be dressed nicely; husbands must be kept happy; workmates must be kept impressed; the sales presentation must be professional; it must look effortless when entertaining friends, the house must be spotless and the food absolutely delish; I must look like I am Martha Stewart and Oprah Winfrey all rolled into one.

Back to earth, I think it is time I cut myself some slack. I can never be perfect, even though I should do my absolute best in everything I do, I can never be perfect.  I am not meant to be perfect, that’s why I need God. I am not meant to be perfect, that’s why I don’t have to be emotionally balanced all of the time.  I am not meant to be perfect, that’s why I make mistakes (is that even possible?).

Here are 10 ways how I give myself the permission to NOT be perfect. As I am not perfect, I fall down sometimes, trying to do some of these things.

1. It is okay for the kids clothes not to match up nicely when we go out.
2. It is okay to encounter difficulties managing a project at work; that’s what they pay me for.
3. It is okay that the food does not look like the food pictures in Nigella’s cookbook.
4. It is okay that the house is not spotless or the laundry is backed up.
5. It is okay to say “No” to another church meeting. God is not counting.
6. It is okay that Martha will never approve of the home made decorations for Christmas that look like roadkill.
7. It is okay that  I forgot about the conference call I was supposed to attend.
8. It is okay that I cannot find what I need because my filing is not up to date.
9. It is okay to freak out once in a while, making sure I don’t do it too many times, irritating dear husband.
10. Finally, it is okay not to have alphabetised cans in my larder.

Perhaps you should start writing your own list?  Relax, it does not need to be perfect.