“How do you know if you have succeeded?”

Indeed how do I know? How would I know if I have been successful as a wife, mother, daughter, sister, work? How would I know if I have succeeded as a person?

That was something I was still thinking about on my way home that day. Was there a ruler, a measure of sorts that would tell me I have succeeded?

What does success even means? In God’s eyes? In society’s eyes? In mine?

Am I successful now?

I thought long and hard and I came to the conclusion that I have always been successful. Sure I fail plenty – but most times, I have been successful. Success is not a destination – it is the journey, it is in every single thing that I do, in everything I believe in. The evidence is there if I just look hard enough.

I know I have succeeded when my teenage son welcome me home with a hug.
I know I have succeeded when my husband says “I love you!”
I know I have succeeded when my daughter’s message on a home-made card tells me I have made a difference in her life.
I know I have succeeded when my father ask me to help him write a letter.
I know I have succeeded when my younger sons want me to read “another” bedtime story.
I know I have succeeded when my girlfriend calls me for lunch just to talk.
I know I have succeeded when my boss pats me on the back and says, “Well done!”
I know I have succeeded when my mother buys me mangosteens because I love them.
I know I have succeeded when complete strangers tell me what an inspiration I am to them.
I know I have succeeded when the last thing I do everyday is to give thanks to God.

What about you? How do you know if you have succeeded?

I am getting better at this and also better at improvising. With a big familym, it was inevitable that plans change mid-week. For us this week, my third son fell ill. So all lunch and dinner plans were in disarray. With lots of leftover uncooked ingredients, I also used it to plan out the following week’s meal plan.

For the next post, it will be a special Chinese New Year post! Stay tuned.

Star Recipe – Coca Cola Chicken Wings by NoobCook  

This was one of the easiest dish I have ever made! Literally, it took me about half hour from assembling ingredients (chicken wings must be thawed) to plating. No. 3 licked his plate and asked for more. Its silky gravy was great for rice and the wings was a quick cook. The sticky sweet yet savoury flavour was what kept us going back for more! Definitely a keeper – and you can cook it for a party in large quantities without ever breaking out a sweat!

Meal Plan – 16 Jan 2012

Monday
Lunch – Plain Porridge, Fried Eggs, Sardines with Onions
Dinner – Bak Kut Teh Soup with rice, Blanched Spinach

Tuesday
Lunch – Steamed Chicken with Baby Corn and Enoki Mushrooms with Rice
Dinner – Pan Fried Tengiri Steaks, Steamed Tofu with Fried Shallots, Stir Fry Pea Shoots, Rice

Wednesday
Lunch – Baked Beans on Toast, Canned Potato Soup
Dinner – Corn Soup, Coca Cola Chicken Wings, Stir Fry Mixed Vegetables

Thursday
Lunch – Minced Meat with cubed potatoes and onions in Soy Gravy on Mee Sua
Dinner – Reunion Dinner Out

Friday
Lunch – Leftover from Thursday
Dinner – Leftover Night

Weekly Meal Planning Learning Experiences

1. Be prepared for changes in the family schedule. Most importantly, to have a relaxed attitude and go with the flow.
2. Keep a list of the favourite recipes and what works best with your family. This is a valuable resource to have when doing meal planning.
3. Take care not to repeat a favourite recipe too many times or it will lose its lusture.
4. Give yourself a challenge to explore 1 new recipe a week.

My total grocery bill this week, which includes non-food items, came to $183.39.

I was able to shop better and stick better to the plan with last week’s experience. I was also able to improvise and change plans when family or work plans change. This week I decided that I will not show you what I plan but just what worked for me. I realised that it might have been too confusing.

Because I was committed to this process, I was also able to save money on my own work lunches by packing leftovers to work. Since I only cooked food that my family enjoys, lunch was very enjoyable to me. Portion control is easier since I packed it myself. Double-duty, so stretching not just every dollar but every minute.

Star recipe – Chicken Rice cooked using Rice Cooker

It was easy to prepare, since it only took me half hour to ready all the ingredients and 15mins to finish the process and put it into the rice cooker. To add a side, steamed up broccoli or throw some baby spinach (or what every green vegetables you fancy) into the rice cooker 10mins before serving.

I used chicken drumsticks so it was smooth and tender. The rice was fragrant and delicious with some lemon chili sauce or sambal belachan. I had a serving of leftovers which froze beautiful and heated up like it just came out of the rice cooker. I was the envy of my colleagues since it smelled so good

Meal Plan – 9 Jan 2012

Monday
Lunch – Chicken Rice cooked using Rice Cooker
Dinner – Grandparents

Tuesday
Baked Beans with Minced Pork and Potatoes, Rice
ABC Soup with Prime Ribs, Rice

Wednesday
Store Bought Lunch
Stew Chicken with Pasta

Thursday
Lunch – Chicken Porridge
Dinner – Teriyaki Salmon on Sushi Rice, Steamed Edamame Beans

Friday
Lunch – Chicken Yee Mee Soup
Dinner – Tomato Pork Chops, Salmon Omelette, Rice

Weekly Meal Planning Learning Experiences

1. Leftovers are stretched into another meal. For example, the Teriyaki Salmon from Thursday dinner was shredded and used in the Salmon Omelette instead of the original Cai Poh Omelette.
2. Soups can be very nourishing one-dish meals. For example, ABC soup which contains, potatoes, carrots, onions, celery, prime ribs – have everything my kids need.
3. Make Meal Planning a committment. Since I do my grocery shopping on Saturday, I make sure I have my shopping list ready to go by the time I go to bed on Friday.
4. Defrost all meat required the next day in the refrigerator overnight and do as much cutting and preparation as possible.

My total grocery bill this week, which includes non-food items, came to $111.31.

1. Easy
2. Fast
3. Family will eat
4. Nutritious

Out of 10 recipes that I look at, I reject 9. Most recipes do not meet my criteria above in either 1 or 2 areas. But the ones I find, are keepers. I know there will be a period of trial and error, leftovers and frustrations. So I set my expectations right and make sure I have backup plans aka bread, eggs and milk, to ensure my family is still fed.

Then there is the area of making up a shopping list and doing the grocery shopping. Depending on the week’s schedule, I may be shopping in Fairprice or in a local wet market or a combination of both. I must also make sure that I do not give into temptation to have LOTS of food in the house or because there is a sale. Not easy. Since I am not a clothes, shoes or jewellery kind of girl, I am a grocery shopaholic. My record was a $500 plus grocery bill at checkout. My kids talked about it for days. So there is only 1 rule when I do grocery shopping. Okay, maybe a couple more.

1. Stick to the shopping list.
2. Allow only up to 3 items of buying extra due to sale price.
3. Eat before shopping.

These rules ensure I stick to the game plan. Speaking of which, here was mine for the last week.

Mon
Breakfast – Waffles with Maple Syrup, Milk, Bananas
Lunch – Chicken Teriyaki Bento  serve with sliced Japanese cucumber
Dinner – Lotus Root and Peanut Soup with Prime Ribs, Orange Pork Ribs, Rice, Stir Fry Long Beans with Silver Fish

Tue
Breakfast – Eggs and Sauteed Mushrooms on Toast, Milk, Apples
Lunch – Chicken Congee
Dinner – Pineapple Rice, Fresh Lettuce/Mixed Greens
Wed
Breakfast – Store Bought Bakes, Milk, Oranges
Lunch – Tuna Sandwiches, Chips
Dinner – Stew Pork Belly, Sweet Buns, Fresh Lettuce/Mixed Greens

Thu
Breakfast – Sweet Oatmeal with Almonds, Milk,Blueberries
Lunch – Pasta Bake
Dinner – Chicken Curry, Rice and Baguette, Fried Hairy Marrow with Vermicelli, Watermelon

Fri
Breakfast – Prata with Chicken Curry, Milk, Watermelon
Lunch – Prawn Noodles
Dinner – Baked Salmon with Asparagus

Here’s what I REALLY did. Breakfast was a bust since everyone basically ate whatever they liked that was available. But I did manage to serve fruit a couple of days. Note to self – make sure there is food for breakie and let everyone else choose. This would also work for tea, supper and snack attacks.

Monday – Public Holiday so everyone was at home
Lunch – Curry Chicken
Dinner – Old Cucumber Soup, French Beans fried with Haebihiam, leftover Curry Chicken, Baked Saba Fish

Tuesday – First day of school
Lunch – Teriyaki Chicken Rice, Cucumber slices
Dinner – Fried Pineapple Rice with Toppings

Wednesday
Lunch – Grilled Tuna Fish Sandwich with Chips, Simple Salad
Dinner – Western food at Food court

Thursday
Lunch – Meatball Soup with Rice
Dinner – Pasta Baked

Friday
Lunch – Store-bought Wonton Noodles, Mee Goreng fried by my dad
Dinner – Pork Chops and Buttered Corn for one child due to club meeting, the rest ate at grandparents

Weekly Meal Planning Learning Experiences

1. Frozen saba fish is great to keep as an emergency supply. It is easy to cook in an over with some olive oil and served with some light soy sauce.
2. One-dish meals are easy to cook and serve.
3. The vegetable part of the meal can be serve as small portions of raw vegetables or salads.
4. One must be flexible enough to change things around, swapping meals when schedule changes.
5. There will be leftovers – learn to use them or they will be wasted.
6. One must not be beyond using modern day mixes which are now high in quality.

My total grocery bill this week, which includes non-food items, came to $234.40.

Our lifestyle changed this year with half of our 4 kids moving nearer to our home than our in-laws’ home. So I have my wish of cooking lunch and dinner for half our family.

I know that if I don’t do any meal planning, grocery shopping will be messy and expensive, not knowing what to cook or missing ingredients will drive me mad. This will make me cranky. Not good.

So in view of the dire consequences, I decide to do meal planning in a bid to keep us healthy, to know what to cook and when, save money and to keep me sane.

I will (TRY!) to document my journey and how plans don’t always work the way you want them to, my workarounds, and how I stretch the dollar and the food.

I spent quite a few hours researching how other mothers meal plan. It helped but most often, tips were few and far between e.g. you bought a lemon but only used half, what do you do with the other half, What do you do with that leftover pineapple rice from dinner or even, how to cook around last minute schedule changes. I found lots of great recipes so instead of reinventing the wheel, I will refer to those in their website/blog of origin.

I intend for this documentation to be hopefully a weekly entry, with real life challenges, experiences and tips and tricks. So stay tuned…

Many feelings go through me as I watch the boys wore their new uniforms proudly. Of course, the moment is sometimes lost in their complaining about the scratchy shirts. Amidst their complaining however, the pride and smiles never left their faces. Or mine for that matter. My boys are growing up.

I am lucky to be able to work from home these few days and witness this metamorphosis first hand. Long term however, my mother will come daily to help me with No. 3 as he attends school in the afternoon session. After lunch, she will fetch him to school and then leave for home.

This would allow me to continue working. It’s funny. After today, my job seemed to have dropped to a lower priority.

You see, being able to work from home, I was able to cook breakfast, fuss over all the kids, play a board game with No. 3, cook lunch, watch him eat and welcome my No. 1 home and watch him eat the remainder of lunch. This is way more fun and way more worth it than a regular job. I am sure many mummies out there would tell me to wake up. “See if you would feel the same way after days or weeks of the same stuff!”

Perhaps. But for now, it is great to be able to watch my kids grow and flourish. Difficult and painful at times, maybe it is time I make a change myself.

This is the season of Advent. It is the period before Christmas that I am supposed to be preparing for the coming of Christ. To be ready when He comes knocking at my door. I think I have a lot of work ahead of me!

This is also the end of the calendar year 2011. Average year for me. And because it is the end of the year, I am preparing for many things; preparing for the coming of the year 2012.

In the year 2012,

My father-in-law will be undergoing chemotherapy and radiotherapy for the cancer we found just barely weeks ago.
My eldest son will be entering a new phase of his education life – Secondary 1 – in a new school and hopefully, a renewed love for learning.
My daughter will have a very busy year, training for SYF and getting her ballet Grade 4 exam over with.
My third son will be entering formal school at Primary 1.
My youngest will be preparing for the change in routine as he will be the only one left going to the childcare centre.
My husband and I are winding down for 2011 but preparing for the challenges we are going to face in 2012 – whether with our work or personal lives.

All changing, all preparing.

Am I looking forward to the new year? Yes for the most parts. I like the feeling of starting over again. Right the wrongs and start afresh. I like the process of preparing. This gives me the chance to plan and forecast ahead.

Perhaps I will have a more faithful prayer life.
Perhaps I will lose the weight that I have been trying to for the past year.
Perhaps I will be more discipline in taking my vitamins and getting regular exercise in.
Perhaps I will have more work-life balance.
Perhaps I will be able to manage my time better and get in more posts.
Or more time with the kids and dear husband.
Perhaps.

The possibilities seem endless and I get to make new decisions – hopefully better ones than last year’s.

I like preparing, looking forward and perhaps…just this year, I may be able to change something about myself or my life for the better.

If you give a mom a muffin,
She’ll want a cup of coffee to go with it.
So she’ll pour herself some.
The coffee will get spilled by her three year old.
She’ll wipe it up.

Wiping the floor, she will find some dirty socks.
She’ll remember she has to do some laundry.
When she puts the laundry in the washer,
She’ll trip over some snow boots and bump into the freezer.
Bumping into the freezer will remind her she has to plan supper for tonight.

She will get out a pound of hamburger.
She’ll look for her cookbook. (101 Things To Make With a Pound of Hamburger.)
The cookbook is sitting under a pile of mail.
She will see the phone bill which is due tomorrow.
She will look for the checkbook.

The checkbook is in her purse that is being dumped out by her two year old.
She’ll smell something funny.
She’ll change the two year old.
While she is changing the two year old the phone will ring. (Of course!)
Her five year old will answer it and hang up.

She remembers that she wants to phone a friend to come over for coffee on Friday.
Thinking of coffee will remind her that she was going to have a cup.
She will pour herself some.
And chances are,
If she has a cup of coffee,
Her kids will have eaten the muffin that went with it.

Written by Kathy Fictorie
Based on “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie” and “If You Give a Moose a Muffin” by Laura Numeroff

A few weeks ago, I recieve a note from my son’s school saying that they will be putting him and his cohort through a 3-day Adam Khoo’s motivation and study workshop, SuperKids. I was invited to attend a parent’s workshop on the third day, during which they will share with us what the kids have learnt. And that, we as parents would be able to continue to reinforce the principles and better support them for the upcoming PSLE examination – the big one.

I am always supportive of my children and will try my best to attend every performance, workshop, parent-teacher conference and briefing. So I signed the consent form to say yes, that dear husband and I will go.

Today came and there was a schedule conflict, with a church meeting which occur at the same time. We were both needed in both places, so as usual, we splitted up and each took one event. Dear husband went for the church meeting and I went for the parent workshop.

At first the workshop begin quite innocuously. With a fairly humorous facilitator, Amin, the session was conducted in a light-hearted manner but addressed messages that were very important. It was a bit warm and very humid in the school hall as it was not air-conditioned. I looked around, the parents attending the session seemed bored and no one was taking notes. Although I felt a bit conscious about taking notes, I was never one to shun away from curious looks. So I took down the important points – some from the slides that was shown and others from anecdotes and stories that were shared by Amin.

Points covered were as follows:
What does it take to be successful in learning? Attitude and Skills.
What are the challenges faced by students? There were many!
What is the reason for studying? For self and for the future
Leaders Live with 100% responsibility
Aimless Exist, blaming others, complaining about situations, and making excuses
Encouragement from parents help with self love and self esteem in kids

Then, Amin asked the kids if they have a goal, a dream that they wanted to attain. Some wanted to be doctors, others business owners and one girl wanted to be a teacher. My son stood up when asked if anyone wanted to be a business owner. He bravely stood up and told his friends and all the parents present that he wantedto start a software company.

Hmmm…I thought to myself, that was something that I did not know about.

Then Amin proceeded to demonstrate with a simple game how easily distracted we can all become, how easily influenced we all can be. He told us to follow his spoken instructions, touching shoulders, ears and head. He then increased the speed and in one instance instructed us to touch the shoulders but touched his ears instead. I will be lying if I said I did as I was told – when Amin touched his ears, I subconciously also touched my ears even though I quickly correct myself and touched my shoulders. His point was if we can be distracted and influenced, so can our kids.

Parents set examples and kids watch and learn. If we do not participate 100%, committ 100%, then how can we expect the kids to do so?

Okay I got the point.

Then the session went on to talk about:
How we should rename failures as learning experiences
How when things don’t work, change your strategy
How if we don’t pay attention to our kids, they will look for attention elsewhere

At this point, I thought, most of these things I know and even practise most. I am doing good.

Amin proceeded to talk about how encouragement affect our kids and why computer games were so addictive. He shared that encouragement given by parents should be frequent and specific. Parents should never be sarcastic or do a comparison with other kids. He turned the tables and gave an example of how a mother would feel if she were told the food she painstakingly cooked was not tasty and cannot be compared to her sister-in-law. Wow…that touched a nerve!

Whenever I felt frustrated with my son, I would push all his buttons by being sarcastic and comparing him with his sister. I was ugly and argumentative and such confrontations never end well and always in tears. I suddenly realised that this workshop was for us parents but not just to share what the kids have gone through but to appeal for our support and encouragement in a more positive manner. This was a cry for us parents, to committ, to change, to support, and to be completely and utterly 100% in this very important relationship.

In a daze, I listened to:
How emotions are important
How choices have consequences
How Visual, Auditory and Kinestatic learning is important
How the kids drew Whole Brain Notes, that is, Mind Maps
How to talk to your kids so they will listen – Being Positive, Power of Praise and Accentuate the Positives

Then Amin showed us a video on the Hoyt father and son. It brought tears to everyone who was there. I wept as I felt the parents’ devastation in finding out their son has celebral palsy, how they ignored the doctor’s advice to put him in an institution and took him home, how they supported him unconditionally and helped him to learn to communicate with a computer and most importantly how a father ran hundreds of races just to help his son feel freed of his handicap.

I started to question myself – Am I 100% committed to this relationship with my son?

Then came the climax of the workshop. The kids were asked to stand up on stage and talk about how they felt after these 3 days. My son, my first born, put up his hand and went up on stage. I was so emotional I forgot to record it for dear husband! I managed to get the second half with my iPhone but my hands were shaking and I was crying openly by then.

“Hi my name is Chong-Yu and I am from 6 Confidence. I want to thank my parents. My mother and my father worked very hard for us. I have 3 other brothers and sister so I know it is not easy. Even though they cannot buy me iPhone and iPods, they always give 100% to me and I want to thank them. I love you.”

As the kids went up to stage to talk about their feelings one by one, the raw display of love and gratitude touched me in very unexpected ways. I was sitting in the front row and did not turn to see the reactions of the other parents – but I felt their pride, love and overwhelming emotions as they experienced this open sharing.

At the end of the session, the kids were told to hug their parents and showed them the notes they wrote for them. I hugged my son and read my note. I was really proud of him. They closed the session with a song, “If we hold on together” and an encouraging address from the principal.

As we walked to the car together, my son told me that it was meant to be a surprise for me to see him go on stage, and how nervous he had felt. I praised his efforts and told him how well he spoke. He asked me if I was proud of him. I told him that his father and I will always be proud of him. Most importantly, as Amin said, he should be proud of himself. The smile and peace on his face I got in return was priceless.

The 3 hours I spent was most meaningful and certainly open a window of understanding between myself and my son. I have always known that Chong-Yu is a very special gift from God and I will be forever grateful for the opportunity to be his mother.

“Hi my name is Sam and I am Chong-Yu’s mother. I want to say how much I love him and how proud of him I am. I also want to ask for his forgiveness during thetimes that I was not 100% committed to our relationship and I pledge to do better in the future. I also want to thank him for allowing me to be his mother. I love you, son.”

This is the easiest lunch in the world!

Mainly protein from the tuna and beans, and carbohydrates from the pasta. Great to brown bag. It heats up in a flash in my trusty microwave but it is delicious cold as well!

Ingredients
1 can of tuna fish chunks/flakes (I love the chili flavoured one but you can use other flavours.)
1 can of chick peas/butter beans/ borlotti beans
250g short pasta, cooked according to package instructions
Salt and pepper to taste
Lemon juice (optional)

Mix everything up and devour with gusto!
Serves 4 as a side and 2 as a main