Many feelings go through me as I watch the boys wore their new uniforms proudly. Of course, the moment is sometimes lost in their complaining about the scratchy shirts. Amidst their complaining however, the pride and smiles never left their faces. Or mine for that matter. My boys are growing up.

I am lucky to be able to work from home these few days and witness this metamorphosis first hand. Long term however, my mother will come daily to help me with No. 3 as he attends school in the afternoon session. After lunch, she will fetch him to school and then leave for home.

This would allow me to continue working. It’s funny. After today, my job seemed to have dropped to a lower priority.

You see, being able to work from home, I was able to cook breakfast, fuss over all the kids, play a board game with No. 3, cook lunch, watch him eat and welcome my No. 1 home and watch him eat the remainder of lunch. This is way more fun and way more worth it than a regular job. I am sure many mummies out there would tell me to wake up. “See if you would feel the same way after days or weeks of the same stuff!”

Perhaps. But for now, it is great to be able to watch my kids grow and flourish. Difficult and painful at times, maybe it is time I make a change myself.

I don’t love my job.  Period. 

 Age old discussion about whether it is better to have a job that you don’t like but pays well or to have a job that you love but pays okay.

 I am still in the job I have been for the last 13 years (in fact my anniversary is coming end of this month).  I used to love the job, no matter how difficult the work was or how hard the clients were to deal with.  Friends I speak to, always has something to complain about their jobs.  I had none.  In fact, I kept quiet most times because if you allowed me, I would have serenaded about my job.

 So what changed?  Life changed, priorities changed, interests changed, I changed.

 I am great at what I do.  Clients love me, workmates look up to me and love working with me.  There is something about me that allows me to do my job well – everyone tells me everything!  Information is power and that helps me to navigate the intricate maze of human relationships.  I get paid relatively well for it.  But remember, I don’t love my job anymore.

 For quite a while I struggled with what I should do.  Quit my job?  Go find a job I really love but perhaps don’t pay as well?  Stick to my current skill sets and move to a new environment?  Mostly I struggled with the fact that I don’t love my job anymore so why do it?  In my mind, spending 40 hours a week doing something I don’t really care for, is not exactly a great use of my time.

 I then came across a few articles on the Internet.  These articles say that I don’t need to love my job.  Everyone touted that if you do the job you love, you will be happy and you will perform well.  These articles point out that I should not get bogged down by traditional beliefs.  I come to realise that I don’t need to love my job to do it well.  I pack and organize my closets very well, but I don’t love it.

 My feelings about my job has evolved throughout the years.  It is now a means to an end.  Some ends actually.  The means to have a new house (I just moved to a bigger place!), the means to have a lifestyle that my family and I want, the means to go away regularly on vacations, the means to have a better and nicer life.

 These ends are my priorities now – if you look closer , it points to one single priority – my family.  Once I reached this epiphany, things at work seem more bearable and I even catch myself enjoying some parts of it!  I have my ups and downs but staying positive and focused helps a lot in getting the job done.

 So, it is okay not to love my job, as long as I know why I am working.

“How do you manage?”

I get asked that question a lot.  My cheeky answer is always,”I don’t.  I struggle.”  While that gets lots of laughs and knowing grins, working mothers do REALLY want to know how to manage better. 

After much trial and error, I finally have a method to all the madness, juggling a full time job with a large growing family, that works for me.  Hopefully these practical tips and tricks would also help you in keeping insanity at bay.

1. Draw the line between work and home
   I have outlined how to do that in my previous post – How to draw the line between work and home.
2. Have strict time routine
   This is a a strictly enforced rule in my household.  For instance, bedtime for the kids is at 9pm.  No bargaining, no negotiation, no exceptions.  Even on weekends and schoool holidays (okay, perhaps we bend it sometimes).  This ensures that I have a few hours of time spent either with my dear husband or just some alone time.  The other time routines are waking times, mealtimes, time to move out in the mornings – by keeping to these times strictly, the family knows what to expect and can manage themselves accordingly.
3. Unclutter your life routine
   For instance, I do not cook a separate meal for the younger kids when they turn 2 years old.  This will take 1 thing off my very long list of things to do.  Another thing I do is not to visit the supermarket daily.  I have a running shopping list and try my utmost best to visit only once a week.  This saves time and money.
4. Reduce your committments
   Having another new fanangle enrichment class for your kids, or saying yes to serving in another committee is not going to help you in your quest for balance.  Give time to the only ones that really matter to you and your family.  Remember that most times, when you say yes to such committments, you are in effect saying no to spending time with your family or no to having time to yourself.
5. Delegate
   Not just to husbands or helpers, but to your kids.  My older kids are 10 and 8 years old.  They can make simple breakfasts and snacks for themselves and others, help the younger kids with dressing up and going to the toilet, help to watch their siblings when we are busy with other tasks and also clear and wash their own used cups and dishes.  Before we leave the house, one would open the door and the other would close all the windows in the house.  This not only relieves me from the nitty gritty tasks, it also trains the kids to be more independent.
6. Relax!
   Nevermind if the beds are not made on some days or the children eats junk on others.  By not wanting to always be perfect, I am a more relaxed mother and can focus on things that really matter like understanding and talking to my kids.  Surprise surprise – my dear husband in turn is also more relaxed and therefore, more loving to me.
7. Carve out time for your marriage and yourself
   The “after 9pm” time slot is fiercely guarded, as illustrated in my previous post – No.  The time with my dear husband is important in keeping our love and passion alive.  I also have alone times that I spent sleeping, playing games or writing.  This makes sure that I have time to be me and not just mum or wife.  Guess what that does to my soul?
8. Work with your husband
   While it is nice to have a husband who could read your mind and do the things you want him to do (let’s not get ahead of ourselves), most times, it is actually more efficient and effective to tell him (gasp!).  My dear husband tells me it is a relief to know what I want and need exactly as he can then proceed to meet those needs.  Hmm, looks like another post to help our dear husbands!  Stay tuned, gentlemen!

What do you do that works for you in mastering the delicate task of balancing your life?

This week is unusual for us.  Both dear husband and I are travelling on business, and will be in different countries;  him in Tokyo and I will be in Kuala Lumpur.  I cannot remember the last time this happened.  And of course, our lovely children will be in Singapore.

Funny how, I feel time deprived when I am in Singapore.  I yearned for more time in the day and time to do things that I would do for myself.  I would love a more leisurely morning or have a bit more sleep.  Perhaps finish up sorting out our family photos without being interrupted every 5 minutes.

Then I would travel for business and have all the time in the world (other than work, of course).  And I would miss the crazy life back in Singapore.  I miss dear husband and my kids.  I would return to the hotel room and have dinner alone, watch “Law and Order” until late and long to hold my kids and kiss them good night.

Last night, I had a business dinner and it ran late.  I could not call my kids as they were already asleep.  So as of now, I am suffering a bit from being not connected to them for about 24 hours now.  Luckily, I was able to exchange my day with dear husband via instant messaging.  That helped a bit.

So this morning I did a bit of research on the ways people keep connected with their family while travelling.  There were so many suggestions and here are some that I think were awesome.  Enjoy, I have!

http://www.vagabondish.com/communication-traveling-skype-cell-phones-calling-cards/

http://www.eurocheapo.com/blog/tips-for-staying-in-touch-while-traveling-abroad.html

http://matadorabroad.com/how-to-stay-in-touch-with-kids-while-traveling/

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/2144987/top_5_ways_to_stay_in_touch_with_friends.html?cat=16

http://www.havepack.com/keeping-in-touch-while-traveling/

Everyone is a leader, whether or not, it is a formal position, at home or at work.  We are leaders when we are parents and the heads of the family or spokesperson for our church group; we are leaders when we take charge of a bad situation; and we are leaders when we stand up for what we believe in.

However, it is at work that leadership skills are needed the most.  This is because every employee is a volunteer.  No one is forced to come to work and thus, leaders cannot “make” anyone do anything.  So leadership skills is the lubricant of the organization.  Once employees feel they are valued and respected and there is trust, they will then allow themselves to be influenced by the leaders of the organization.

Leadership is hard work.  As a leader, you are always “switched on”.  Integrity and consistency is how employees build up their confidence in you as a leader.  Leadership is not a business metric, it is not like the sales target you have every quarter or the amount of money you save from restricting unnecessary business travel.  However, it is the fabric that all business metrics will build on.

Only when there are good leaders, will the employees be able to unite towards a common vision, a common goal.  When an organization is united, the business metrics will take care of themselves.

Here are 5 links to blogs and articles of characteristics I find, that are the soul to being an effective leader in the workplace.

Leadership: Intentional Influence
http://www.businessweek.com/managing/content/jun2009/ca2009065_772331.htm?chan=careers_managing+index+page_top+stories

Leading When You Don’t Have Formal Authority
http://blogs.harvardbusiness.org/demaio/2009/05/leading-when-you-dont-have-for.html

Leadership: Control vs. Influence
http://michaelhyatt.com/2007/09/leadership-control-vs-influence.html

Management by Flying Around
http://blogs.harvardbusiness.org/kanter/2009/09/mbfa-management-by-flying-arou.html

5 Employee Motivation Myths Debunked
http://www.entrepreneur.com/humanresources/employeemanagementcolumnistdavidjavitch/article202352.html

What other qualities do you admire in a leader in your organization?

“Go out into the world and find your fortune”, said the mother of the 3 little pigs.

The world has shrunk.  The advancement of the aviation industry has made business travel easier than it has ever been in the past.  From Singapore, you only need to travel 1 hour to get to Kuala Lumpur, 5 hours to Beijing and 8 to Sydney.  Business is no longer conducted at home.  Face to face meetings are preferred over the less personal conference call or emails whenever possible.  “Business Traveller” or “Road Warrior” is now a label that a lot of us working mothers have added to our many roles.

And I hate every business trip that I have ever been on.  There I said it. 

I am not sure about you, but being away from my family for days, and at times for weeks, is not something I look forward to.  My friends and family would comfort me, saying it would be a good break from the kids.  I even joked that perhaps I can finally get a night’s of uninterrupted sleep.  I certainly enjoyed the shopping, late night outs with co-workers and sometimes even the sight-seeing.

However, there are 2 parts of a business trip that I dislike.

1 The Flying
I am afraid of flying.  No, I do not get cold sweat or grab tightly to my seat or cling on to my fellow passenger.  I do not need a drink or a pill.  The reason I am afraid of flying is that I am afraid that I will never see my dear husband and my family ever again.  I know I probably have more chances of dying in a road accident, but being in a sealed tin can 3,000 miles above the ground does not evoke feelings of peace for me.

2 The Hotel
Since I work for a US multi-national company, the hotels that we use are reputable ones.  Nice ones.  With lovely branded bath foams and huge LCD wall-mounted TVs.  But what I hate is the feeling I get when I return to an empty room.  I have had a hard day’s at work and all I can return to is an empty room.  No hugs, no kisses and certainly no kids clinging onto my every limb.  It seemed to make my work meaningless.

And to make matters worse, we now have to contend with the possiblility that we may be terrorised.  When I saw the news report of the Jarkata bombings a few days ago and how Singaporeans were hurt, it just hit home to how it could also happen to me.

So, every time my plane lands in Singapore, I say a quiet prayer.  Thank you for taking be back safe and sound.  It is at this moment that I appreciate deeply what I have now and how far I have come in my life.  I would be conscious of not taking my dear husband for granted and spending quality time with my kids.  I would be happy eating simple home cooked meals instead of massive hotel buffets.  I would even go as far as enjoying the warm weather here instead of dressing myself in mutiple layers before going out into the cold winters.

Well, perhaps business trips are not as bad as I thought they were.  After all, they do make me see things that I often over look in my busy daily life.

It is often very difficult to compartmentalise.  This is not something I do very naturally.  I have to consciously make the effort to remember and draw the line.  I fall down often on this point – I allowed my stress at work to spill over into my home life and less times, the other way.  It helps me to do something deliberately to remind myself.  Here are some of my ways to stop work from invading into my home life, perhaps you have your ways to share?

1 Shut down my laptop
When I have finished my day’s work, I shut down my laptop instead of putting it on hibernate or standby mode.  This helps to tell me work is done and let’s start to have a life.

2 Put my work mobile on silent mode
Most times when I finish work, I either put my work mobile on silent mode.  Sometimes I go to the extend of not responding to work SMS’es and calls, especially if they are not urgent.  This will draw the line for me and others that this is my private time – do not disturb.

3 Stop for a relaxation activity before going home
I try to do this especially when I am having a particularly difficult time at work.  A coffee, an express manicure or even just window shopping would help me leave the difficult emotions and mood, and calm myself down before I meet my kids or husband.  Yesterday, my husband dragged me off to a dart bar to have a quick drink with a few friends and a couple of dart games.  I did not even realised I needed it! 

4 Have a shower first
This is one that is the easiest to implement and the one I often forget about.  After greeting my family, before I get involved in anything, I would have a shower first (we like showers more than baths in Singapore).  This is metaphorically washing all that of work and refresh me to enjoy my home life.

5 Go for a run
I am most lazy to do this one, but this has contributed to some really good results.  If I get home early enough, I would change into my gear, put on some blasting music on my iPod and go for a run round my neighbourhood.  Even if it is just 15 mins, it gives me energy and relaxes me.  I also get my day’s exercise in.

Now if I would just do what I preach…