I read somewhere on a women’s magazine that for every child that grows up to 18 years old, the parents would have lost 5 years worth of sleep.  I have 4 kids so, mathematicians out there, please help to figure out how many years worth of sleep I would have lost just by having them.

10 years ago, with the birth of my first baby, my relationship with a good night’s sleep has been elusive.  I now have what the experts would call long term sleep deprivation or that I have a sleep debt.  I do better some days with less sleep but others badly.

How do I then deal with this ongoing issue (at least until my youngest is 4 and fully toilet trained)?

1. Sleep Early
   This is a tough one for me as I have so much to do that I cannot sleep early.  I am also a night owl so I get all kinds of ideas and things to do at night, mostly before bedtime!  Nevertheless, I try my best and when I manage this one, it helps me recover some of my sleep debt.
2. Stimulants (legal ones, of course)
   Of course, what is a sleep deprived mum going to function on without stimulants aka coffee?  I only have 1 a day and almost always the first drink of the day.  On days that I bravely go without, by lunchtime, I would have develop a massive headache.  For a period of time, I tried to wean myself off and was quite successful.  I guess that is another post for another day.  I am back on it again, as I found it easier than fighting the urge.  Will power is something you don’t have a lot in supply when you are sleep deprived.
3. Food
   I recently also found that high protein breakfast with a dose of 500mg worth of Vitamin C would also help with my energy levels.  These would include eggs, ham and soya bean based drinks or food.  A couple of eggs on wholemeal toasts and a cup of coffee would take me all the way until lunchtime.  Tuna fish sandwiches are great too.  If you want to boost any sandwich with extra protein, a slice of cheese is a great addition.  I also try to avoid too much carbohydrates and make sure I drink lots of water.
4. My iPod Touch
   To help me focus on work in the office, this gadget (which was a gift from Dear Husband) is vital in providing background music and also pump up my blood and energy levels.  As I work in an open office (yes, we can hear all the conference calls and conversations with spouses or kids), it shuts off the unnecessary distractions, which a tired body can easily succumb to.
5. Exercise
   This is 5th on my list for a reason.  This is not something I would reach for intuitively to help cope with my sleep debt.  However, when I do get time to go for a run or walk, this brings my energy levels up just after 20 minutes.  If I am able to continue this for a week, I actually get quite good results. 

Now if only I can find those sneakers…

Yes you heard that right, my husband actually went clothes shopping with me.  After he bought a shirt on sale that he liked, he encouraged me to look around for new clothes.

I must provide some background – you see, while I would love to spend my whole afternoon in a supermarket, gawking at the fresh fruits and vegetables, I dislike clothes shopping and shoe shopping and all garment related shopping.  I would just go into a shop, take a sweeping look, and then decide if I would buy anything.  If I do decide to buy something, I do not compare prices at another shop, see if I could find anything nicer, try it on with 3 different pants, or continue to mope around the shop.  I would just go straight to the cashier and pay for it.

It was no different last Saturday except, I have been struggling a bit lately with my self image.  After every one of my first 3 kids, I would spring back to my pre-pregnancy weight (note: weight not figure) in a month or less.  After my last kid, I have had a hard time losing the weight.  To make matters worse, I put on even more.  I had tried to control portion sizes and even try to exercise.  These are shortlived and I had to deal with the defeat of not being able to reduce my weight.  The feeling of disaapointment with myself can only be matched with the feeling of having a bad self image.  Don’t get me wrong, I am only talking physical self image – other areas, I am still relatively secure.  This one area just escapes me somehow. 

I dread the experience of putting on the clothes I like but just could not fit in.  I often have to ask for the largest size clothes or shoes.  I am born with a big frame and in Asia, most clothes on sale are for small to medium frames.  I can only look to imported clothes from Western countries, in hope that I can find something that would fit. 

I ended up buying 4 pieces of clothing from Marks and Spencer (hurray not the largest size), all for $197.  To be honest, I felt quite good about it.  I had taken my time to really make sure I liked what I was going to buy.  I tried to look at the clothes in a different way.  I tried to change the way I shop that day.  I must admit, for a little while, I actually felt triumphant in buying what looked good on me.

This experience then helped me to realise that there are many things I can do to manage my self image.  Here are some that I have been using and others that I will try in the days to come.

1  Change the way we think about clothes
The Chinese have a saying,”Men needs to wear clothes, buddhas need to wear gold.”  If we think of clothes as objects that will improve the way we look, the way we feel about ourselves and the way people look and treat us, then they are not simply functional.  It is worth time and effort in finding the right clothes.  There is no need to slurge but there is absolute need in finding clothes that suit and fit us.  This will in turn then improve our self image.

2  Positive self talk
If we keep telling ourselves we look bad, then naturally we will feel bad.  Instead, we should look beyond the physical covering and discover other good things about ourselves.  This way, we can then increase our positive self talk and improve our mental state of our self image.

3  Have an actual plan
For the last 2 weeks, I have been consciously decreasing my carbohydrate intake and increasing my fruits, vegetables and whole grains intake.  I am also trying to eat more often in the day and with smaller portions.  It is encouraging to report that I have small successes in reducing my weight.  Therefore, have an actual plan to address the problem area; be it weight loss, to reduce stress or to improve our general mental well being.  Read blogs, browse related books, talk to friends – these resources normally would help us formulate a plan.

4  Slow down
This gives us a chance to appreciate where we are in our lives and be proud of what we have achieved.  Carrying a bit more weight is probably not that big a deal in the big scheme of things.  Have a break, a cup of tea or meditate.  I pray, and that really helps to keep things into perspective.

5  Talk about it
One of the things I probably should have done was confide in my dear husband. He would have provided the support I needed or be an active part in my self image journey.  Finding someone we trust to share our fears will alleviate the insecurity and inferiority that may pepper our daily lives.  Talk to our spouses, friends, co-workers or even a counsellor.  Talking about a fear will significantly reduce its size.

After my last clothes shopping experience, I am continuing to execute my plan, slow down and breathe.  I have every faith in myself that I will be able to overcome this insecurity. In the meantime, I think I should probably go talk to my dear husband now before he sees this post.