Examinations are over and holidays are around the corner.  This is when the mad rush for holiday courses, meet the cartoon characters at the mall, special trips to the Science Centre gets planned out.  God forbid, one of them should mouth the words,”Mum! I am bored!”.

Over the years, I have developed a list of websites to check on to see what I can plan for a more interesting and productive holiday for my kids.  This will also expose them to various activities and interests in a bid to find their passion in life.  At a minimum, they can say they have tried it and had fun.

It was all in my head but in the true spirit of decluttering my mind, I will put it in an organised list for everyone.  Please feel free to share in the comments section what your own list so everyone can benefit from it.

Here’s my list.  All of the websites I go to research for activities below, most likely have an email subscription service or a Facebook page that you can join.  I do it for the ones that interest my family most so I don’t miss out on the interesting stuff. 

1. People’s Association
   The People’s Association has a wide range of activities and courses for both the young and old.  Lifestyle courses like yoga or cooking appeals to all ages. They also have a section specifically for the kiddies.  Booking can be done online.  Most courses are held in Community Clubs – so you can choose the one nearest to home or where the kids are aka near gramps’ place.  The courses are fairly economical so it is a great place to start.  Passion Card members get a discount.
2. SAFRA
   SAFRA works a lot like the PA.  The website is moderately easy to use and booking can also be done online. They have 5 club houses to choose from and some of the courses they offer may not be available in the PA website.  They also have other services like the Interest Clubs which provide additional privileges if you choose to join them.  These clubs are great if your family has a specific interest e.g. movies or travel.  If you are a member, you get discounts as well.
3. National Library Board
   I go to the GoLibrary link on the left navigation bar and search for events.  These include regular story telling sessions, crafts workshops and interesting talks.  Most of these are free so if you are on a budget, the library is a great place to be.  You can book activities and pay (if needed) online easily.  Since libraries are all over the island, more likely than not, you will be able to find activities that are near your place of preference.
4. National Parks Board
   If your family is outdoorsy, this is the website for you.  I am on their email subscription list so I get informed of activities like garden walks and educational talks.  Registration can be done online but payment is either by cash at the location or by mail in cheque prior to the activity.  I have sent my kids on a couple of activities and they enjoyed them.
5. National Heritage Board
   I don’t always go to the parent website but to the various museums’ websites.  My favourites are Asian Civilisations Museum, National Museum of Singapore and Singapore Art Museum.  Some of the great things are like family days and free entry to museum days.  The annual International Museum Day often brings carnivals, special exhibitions and art installations that are tailored for kids.  Tickets can be bought at SISTIC or at the location itself.
6. SportOnKids
   Set up by the Singapore Sports Council, it is a club that promotes healthy living through sports.  Paying just annual fee of $20, kids would have access to the sport activities that are organised by the club.  Most of these activities are try-one-time sort of format to gauge interest in children.  For example, my kids have done rock climbing, skating, motor-crossing, archery, yoga and even fencing.  Others include kayaking, Frisbee, handball, swimming and football.  As these cost either $5-$10 or nothing for members, it is a great way to expose children to the different sports activities.
7. Places of Interests
   These include the Singapore Zoo, the Jurong Bird Park, the Night Safari and the Science Centre.  These places normally have special exhibits, overnight camps and tours available during the school holidays.  I have done the specials but not tried the overnight camps with the animals yet.  The costs are normally high, but the model of the overnight camps are very interesting and helps in family bonding.  One other place is the Esplanade, which have free open concerts and would have interesting art activities during the different festivals.
8. Enrichment Centres
   These are great places to check out.  On top of their regular classes, they normally would do special courses for the school holidays.  This is also a great way to check the centres and their courses out, to see if they might be suitable for your kids before you shell out the big money for regular courses.  Here are some that I have used before and happy with the results.
   Eduplus Language Centre - Chinese courses
   Genius R Us- Baking and Entrepreneur courses
   Tony Buzan Learning Centre- Mindmapping and Creative Thinking courses
   Legrand School of Dance – Dance courses
9. Shopping Malls
   Go to the various websites of the shopping malls and undoubtedly you will find activities that are designed to attact kids and thus, their parents to the malls.  A lot of these activities are free and often comes with free gifts.  If luck has it that your kids are enamoured with the latest cartoon craze, then these would be fun for them to attend.  Beware of lines and often over zealous parents that may irk you with their ‘kiasu’ ways.  All in all this is a great option if you also have shopping to do.  Something suitable for the whole family.  Here are some links to start you off.
   CapitaMalls Asia
   AsiaMalls
   Takashimaya

Other than these activities, don’t forget the usual favourite family activities like, travelling, swimming, having a meal together, cooking a meal together, visiting a park and catching a movie.  After all, what matters is for the kids to have a fruitful and relaxing holiday break.

If you read my last post, you will see that I listed out the ways that I found work for me as a working mother – Juggling Work and Family.

What I did not explain was why I wrote my last post.  Although it was a challenge from dear husband to list the ways I cope with my busy life, it was my first born son that inspired the last post.

We were chatting (yes I do have time to chat with my kids!), and he told me about his friends in school.  They complained that their parents are always too tired to do anything with them.  Normally they would have 1 or 2 other siblings.  Most have live-in helpers as surrogate caretakers, although some have grandparents.  Others may even lived with their grandparents and only see their parents on weekends.  What puzzled him was why we did not have a live-in helper, our kids did not stay with the grandparents and yet quality time with 4 kids is not eroded.

Now, you must understand that I have a very special little boy here.  He thinks in a very different way from his peers and even from us.  So when he talked to me about this, I was not surprised at all.  I explained that perhaps their parents work long hours and was really drained at the end of the day.  He pointed out that we too were tired, but we still spend time talking to them and doing things together.  Plus, if his friends has a live-in helper, then would that not help the parents not be too tired from the house chores? (and yes we do the house chores ourselves!)

I could tell my efforts in trying to give him time daily from my busy schedule was important to him.  This conversation reminded me that he needs me to be in his life and that he needs to be in mine.  That every conversation, every sharing, every game, every movie, every holiday, every “Mummy, mummy, I have something to show/tell you” answered is important to him.  Even every argument, as I am at least there to have it with him! 

My quest does not stop here.  Although my son may think I am doing a great job, there is always room for improvement.  So I simply have to keep challenging myself to find new ways to keep improving the quality of my interactions with him and being there for him. 

I hope that when the time comes, he will come to me and say, “Mummy, there is this girl…”, and I will be more than happy to part of that chapter of his life.

“How do you manage?”

I get asked that question a lot.  My cheeky answer is always,”I don’t.  I struggle.”  While that gets lots of laughs and knowing grins, working mothers do REALLY want to know how to manage better. 

After much trial and error, I finally have a method to all the madness, juggling a full time job with a large growing family, that works for me.  Hopefully these practical tips and tricks would also help you in keeping insanity at bay.

1. Draw the line between work and home
   I have outlined how to do that in my previous post – How to draw the line between work and home.
2. Have strict time routine
   This is a a strictly enforced rule in my household.  For instance, bedtime for the kids is at 9pm.  No bargaining, no negotiation, no exceptions.  Even on weekends and schoool holidays (okay, perhaps we bend it sometimes).  This ensures that I have a few hours of time spent either with my dear husband or just some alone time.  The other time routines are waking times, mealtimes, time to move out in the mornings – by keeping to these times strictly, the family knows what to expect and can manage themselves accordingly.
3. Unclutter your life routine
   For instance, I do not cook a separate meal for the younger kids when they turn 2 years old.  This will take 1 thing off my very long list of things to do.  Another thing I do is not to visit the supermarket daily.  I have a running shopping list and try my utmost best to visit only once a week.  This saves time and money.
4. Reduce your committments
   Having another new fanangle enrichment class for your kids, or saying yes to serving in another committee is not going to help you in your quest for balance.  Give time to the only ones that really matter to you and your family.  Remember that most times, when you say yes to such committments, you are in effect saying no to spending time with your family or no to having time to yourself.
5. Delegate
   Not just to husbands or helpers, but to your kids.  My older kids are 10 and 8 years old.  They can make simple breakfasts and snacks for themselves and others, help the younger kids with dressing up and going to the toilet, help to watch their siblings when we are busy with other tasks and also clear and wash their own used cups and dishes.  Before we leave the house, one would open the door and the other would close all the windows in the house.  This not only relieves me from the nitty gritty tasks, it also trains the kids to be more independent.
6. Relax!
   Nevermind if the beds are not made on some days or the children eats junk on others.  By not wanting to always be perfect, I am a more relaxed mother and can focus on things that really matter like understanding and talking to my kids.  Surprise surprise – my dear husband in turn is also more relaxed and therefore, more loving to me.
7. Carve out time for your marriage and yourself
   The “after 9pm” time slot is fiercely guarded, as illustrated in my previous post – No.  The time with my dear husband is important in keeping our love and passion alive.  I also have alone times that I spent sleeping, playing games or writing.  This makes sure that I have time to be me and not just mum or wife.  Guess what that does to my soul?
8. Work with your husband
   While it is nice to have a husband who could read your mind and do the things you want him to do (let’s not get ahead of ourselves), most times, it is actually more efficient and effective to tell him (gasp!).  My dear husband tells me it is a relief to know what I want and need exactly as he can then proceed to meet those needs.  Hmm, looks like another post to help our dear husbands!  Stay tuned, gentlemen!

What do you do that works for you in mastering the delicate task of balancing your life?

Okay, last day of the year…last ditch effort to fulfill 2009 resolutions.  Time to also make the 2010 ones.

Two days ago, I initiated a family resolutions making session.  Everyone in the family who can understand the concept was asked to come up with activities that we can do as a family.   I tried this before last 3 months of 2009 and it worked really well.  An additional column was added to each activity to track the date that we achieved it.

This is our list.  We came up with 15 so that we would have 1 for every month and 3 extra.

1. Go to Wild Wild Wet. 
2. Play a family board game.
3. Go to the playground.
4. Go to Hollywood Dinos at Jurong Bird Park.
5. Read the book, “Raising Your Family EQ“.
6. Create a family blog.
7. Go overseas on a family trip.
8. Eat durians in an open air durian cafe.
9. Watch a movie together.
10. Have a barbeque.
11. Cook/Bake together.
12. Go to Sentosa for a short weekend trip.
13. Go to a new park.
14. Go for a family pinic.
15. Go fishing.

What does your family like to do together?  Make a list and at the end of the year, celebrate your family spirit!

This week is unusual for us.  Both dear husband and I are travelling on business, and will be in different countries;  him in Tokyo and I will be in Kuala Lumpur.  I cannot remember the last time this happened.  And of course, our lovely children will be in Singapore.

Funny how, I feel time deprived when I am in Singapore.  I yearned for more time in the day and time to do things that I would do for myself.  I would love a more leisurely morning or have a bit more sleep.  Perhaps finish up sorting out our family photos without being interrupted every 5 minutes.

Then I would travel for business and have all the time in the world (other than work, of course).  And I would miss the crazy life back in Singapore.  I miss dear husband and my kids.  I would return to the hotel room and have dinner alone, watch “Law and Order” until late and long to hold my kids and kiss them good night.

Last night, I had a business dinner and it ran late.  I could not call my kids as they were already asleep.  So as of now, I am suffering a bit from being not connected to them for about 24 hours now.  Luckily, I was able to exchange my day with dear husband via instant messaging.  That helped a bit.

So this morning I did a bit of research on the ways people keep connected with their family while travelling.  There were so many suggestions and here are some that I think were awesome.  Enjoy, I have!

http://www.vagabondish.com/communication-traveling-skype-cell-phones-calling-cards/

http://www.eurocheapo.com/blog/tips-for-staying-in-touch-while-traveling-abroad.html

http://matadorabroad.com/how-to-stay-in-touch-with-kids-while-traveling/

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/2144987/top_5_ways_to_stay_in_touch_with_friends.html?cat=16

http://www.havepack.com/keeping-in-touch-while-traveling/

Family outings.  I love them but I also dread them.  Honestly.

Every Sunday is family day for me.  Dear Husband and I will try our best to take the kids out either to an interesting place or do an interesting activity.  It is always a challenge in the logistics department as we have kids of varying ages.  With an age range of 2 to 10 years, I often have to make sure that I pack the necessary stuff for each kid – ranging from diapers and formula for the youngest, water and wet ones for all, and books for the older kids.  This will ensure that I have peace of mind that we have everything we need plus the kitchen sink, in event of any situation.  Suffice to say, this often causes a rise in my stress levels every time we go out as a family.  You would agree with dear husband that this defeats the purpose of a family outing since I will be too stressed up or worried to actually enjoy it.

So through trial and error and melt downs (from both the kids and me), here are some of the ways that have worked for us whenever we prepare to go for a family outing.

1. Plan Ahead
   Seems basic but this truly works.  If you know where you are going – indoor or outdoor -  you will be better prepared.  Do some research on where you are going (most places have a website now) and understand the facilities including breastfeeding rooms, play areas, locations of bathrooms and eateries.  Sometimes, I even buy tickets in advance.  I am also on various mailing lists e.g. museums, zoos, parks; thus getting the latest and greatest on what’s going on.
2. Wet Tissues
   This is a very important part of your arsenal since it can clean from baby’s bottoms to icky hands.  This will ensure that we are well protected from the usual dirt that comes with going outside and when the nearest bathroom is no where in sight.
3. Food!
   Yes, with an exclamation mark!  Kids are hungry ALL the time.  A stash of sandwiches, snacks and a good supply of drinks will keep them satisfied and less irritable.  If you are like me and have kids that go berserk without food, this is a must!  Some of the items I bring on a regular basis are sandwiches that don’t go soggy (good ones are like peanut butter or jam), fruits in a icy thermal bag, chicken drumlets, pasta and even chicken curry.  Water is a favourite over other drinks.  Bringing your own food will also mean that you save money from the ultra-expensive food outlets that are usual stops at popular locations.
4. Dress Appropriately
   T-shirts and shorts are good for beaches and an extra jacket would be useful for cinemas and air-conditioned locations.  I even bring extra sets of clothes, especially for the younger ones, in case of accidents.
5. Plastic Bags
   These have been invaluable for storing wet clothes or swim things to the dirty diaper that needs disposal.  My eldest is also very prone to car sickness during a long ride so other than not feeding him too much before, we also have a supply of these to double as sick bags (although you have to make sure that they don’t have holes…yep imagine the mess!).
6. Books and Toys
   Waiting in lines or having nothing to do is a bane to kids.  I bring a supply of books/toys/colouring materials and paper to keep my bunch happy.  On occasions that I remember or my dear husband allows me to bring them, they are the only reasons I could keep my sanity.
7. Insect Repllents and Sun Screens
   This only applies to outdoor places.  I often forget them and end up having to deal with irritable kids either during the outing for the former or the next day for the latter.
8. Back-Up Plan
   Always have a back-up plan!  The best laid plans of mice and men don’t always work out.  Have more than one thing on your list in case the location that you plan for is not available or you have more time than anticipated.
9. Camera
   A little piece of technology to keep the family memories alive!  And also to upload into facebook to share with friends and family.  There was more than once that I got ideas from others where to bring the family.  Remember to charge the battery to full the night before.  It is so annoying and disappointing to miss that precious moment!
10. Relaxed Attitude
    Most importantly, bring a relaxed attitude and enjoy the family outing!  Nevermind if the kids tore their clothes or rain comes unexpectedly or the tickets were sold out.  The most important thing is that your family gets to spend time together, well, as a family.  Being relaxed will allow making memories that will last a lifetime.

What do you do to make your family outings work?

Back to sick kids, I had one in the last few days.  He is recovering but it had upset our family’s routine.  This is the reason why this post is late.  For the first 2 nights that he was sick, he was not comfortable and was waking up every 15 mins.  Yes you heard me right.  Every 15 mins.  At the end of the 2 nights, my dear husband and I were running on fumes.

I guess the real question behind this post is then, ever had a sick kid and still have to turn up for a important client meeting in the late afternoon?  Well, I had to do it yesterday after the 2 sleepless nights.  I was amazed that I could still funtion and only needed a cup of coffee before the meeting to keep me awake.  Surprisingly the meeting went well.

By the time I got back home, my head felt light and I was crashing.  I went to bed at 8pm and was out like a light for the rest of the night.  My dear husband, I found out this morning, was trying to keep my sick kid from waking me up.  He also stayed up until 1am to fix up the computer for the kid’s homework and to write a letters to terminate some educational services that they do not need anymore.

All in all you can see all the challenges that working parents have to face whenever there is a sick kid at home.  I am just glad he is getting better so we can get back to our usual routine.  And then there is the lift incident this morning…which I am saving for the next post.

It is often very difficult to compartmentalise.  This is not something I do very naturally.  I have to consciously make the effort to remember and draw the line.  I fall down often on this point – I allowed my stress at work to spill over into my home life and less times, the other way.  It helps me to do something deliberately to remind myself.  Here are some of my ways to stop work from invading into my home life, perhaps you have your ways to share?

1 Shut down my laptop
When I have finished my day’s work, I shut down my laptop instead of putting it on hibernate or standby mode.  This helps to tell me work is done and let’s start to have a life.

2 Put my work mobile on silent mode
Most times when I finish work, I either put my work mobile on silent mode.  Sometimes I go to the extend of not responding to work SMS’es and calls, especially if they are not urgent.  This will draw the line for me and others that this is my private time – do not disturb.

3 Stop for a relaxation activity before going home
I try to do this especially when I am having a particularly difficult time at work.  A coffee, an express manicure or even just window shopping would help me leave the difficult emotions and mood, and calm myself down before I meet my kids or husband.  Yesterday, my husband dragged me off to a dart bar to have a quick drink with a few friends and a couple of dart games.  I did not even realised I needed it! 

4 Have a shower first
This is one that is the easiest to implement and the one I often forget about.  After greeting my family, before I get involved in anything, I would have a shower first (we like showers more than baths in Singapore).  This is metaphorically washing all that of work and refresh me to enjoy my home life.

5 Go for a run
I am most lazy to do this one, but this has contributed to some really good results.  If I get home early enough, I would change into my gear, put on some blasting music on my iPod and go for a run round my neighbourhood.  Even if it is just 15 mins, it gives me energy and relaxes me.  I also get my day’s exercise in.

Now if I would just do what I preach…

I have 4 kids and a full time job.  Every single day is a challenge, an adventure.  In this little island in the far East, our fast paced lives and the social norm of having a dual income family, has changed the dynamics of the traditional view of a family.  I grew up in a family of 3 kids, mom is a full time housewife until we were teenagers.  Even when she started working, she was there to ensure that we maintain the normality of a traditional family.

As I try to do that for my own kids, who by the way have ages ranging from 1.5 to 9.5 years old, I find it most frustrating.  Then I found out from my friends and colleagues, that they do have the same frustrating experience.  My husband is a pretty hands on father, and he too finds time lacking and quality not up to what he would like.

Over the 10 years that I have been a mother, I also had to deal with the full time job that I have – datelines, meetings, reports.  Every day is a constant tug of war, a delicate balance that I have to find. Somedays I do good, others not so, and there are some days that I hope I never have to experience ever again in my life.

Nevertheless, here are some things that I do to keep my sanity and my balance between work and family.

1 Keep work at work and home at home
It is so important to leave my work at the door and be really present for my family.  I am still struggling with this one as I try to keep the 2 parts of my life separate.  On days that I am able to, I feel great about myself that I am able to keep in control.  Draw the line and compartmentalise your work and your home.

2 Let go of the guilt
As I had the luxury of working from home a month after my first child was born until my third was a year old, it was very difficult for me when I had to go back to the office when my fourth was 4 months old.  I felt guilty about spending time away from all my children and having less time for them.  I realise that guilt is not helping me but dragging me down – I overcompensate or I have difficulty managing my emotions.  I now try to find ways to maintain a balance and also make sure that I have quality interactions with them.  Let go of the guilt – don’t waste your emotions.

3 Don’t forget your husband
My husband is my best friend and soulmate.  If I don’t pay attention to my relationship with him, I would have overlooked perhaps the most important part of my life, next to God.  I try to spend time with him having meals together, dates and doing our all time favourite activity – watching TV.  If you have to choose spending time with your husband or your children, choose your husband everytime.  A good marriage pave way for a good family.  Best gift for your kids.

4 Don’t forget yourself
How do I stretch that 24 hours to include myself?  I barely have enough for work, kids and husband.  One advice – just do it.  If I don’t then I would have shortchanged all my love ones and my career.  Only when I take care of myself can I produce good work and a well managed family life.  Even 1 hour a week works wonders for me.  Take the Nike advice and just do it.

5 Pray
Praying works for me and perhaps for you, it is meditation.  I guess my point is to have a place to park your worries and cares.  No, it does not mean that I will behave irresponsibly.  It is just a means of temporarily freeing your mind and refresh your soul.  This way, I get energise and refocused to continue the journey.

What do you do to keep that balance?